Friday Feels - 29 August

Well it's been a few of the most stressful weeks of my life - not even the week leading up to my wedding was as bad!!

But it seems as though the worst is behind me; the situation has been somewhat diffused by a mediated discussion and I can finally move on.

However this experience has left me with a somewhat bitter taste towards my work... but I'm taking it as an absolute motivator to push me into finding what it is that is meaningful and fills me with passion and excitement.

I have some ideas, but I won't jinx anything just yet. Sorry to be so frustratingly vague :)

Instead, I'll just jump right into my Friday Feels!

Hearing: I think I've mentioned it before, but Spotify has a Throwback Thursday playlist that I follow - today it was trowing back to 1984, so much awesomeness! Then this song came on:



This song is the anthem of my Mum, my brother and I.
I have such vivid memories of hearing/watching it on MTV and the three of us dancing like loons around the room. Good times :)

Seeing: The sun!! Sydney has had so much rain the last couple of weeks, and then the sun finally made an appearance yesterday - it was so blissful to walk without an umbrella!

Tasting: Every now and then, my step-dad and I get together for lunch and pig out on Hungry Jacks. This week we indulged in a double whopper meal, and it was delicious!!

Smelling: Spring. It's definitely in the air, Mr M was complaining about having an itchy nose today! Only days to go until we are a whole season closer to summer!!

Touching: The baby soft skin on my boys faces. Warrie is shedding his baby fat like it's going out of fashion, and his chubby cheeks are turning into the cheeks of a proper little boy.
I miss their baby faces something fierce... but I love watching them grow into wonderful boys, complete with fart humour, light sabers made from used toilet rolls, and grotty faces.

How has your week been? What song reminds you of dancing around the room as a child?

Friday Feels - 1st August

After yesterday's pretty epic post, I'm not feeling particularly wordy today... so I'll just head straight into my Feels for the week.

Hearing: I have a confession (don't we all!): the "Golden Oldies" radio station is one of my favourite to listen to. That said, I think it is horrible and terrifying that they are starting to play my favourite tunes from the 90's... Surely the 90's can't be in the golden oldies phase yet!?!
Today this song came on the radio, and instantly I was transported back to my childhood; specifically, the health club where my dad was the squash instructor, I could almost smell the place. I love how music can do that!

Seeing: My all-time favourite series of books is being made into a TV show which starts in the US next week, so I have been watching all sorts of trailers and interviews with the cast and author. It's had me squee'ing like a teenager... and I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry when I see the first episode!
If you haven't already heard about Outlander, trust me it won't be long until you do - it's going to be bigger than Game of Thrones!

Tasting: Last weekend I had five bananas that needed using up, so I made 38 banana choc chip muffins. I was sensible (for once!) and froze them in smaller batches so I could savour them... and yeah, we're down to our last four. Either Mr M and I are gluttons, or they were super delicious. I'm going for the latter!

Smelling: This week we have had some unseasonably warm weather - it was a sunny and glorious 24c yesterday! The trees and flowers responded to the warmth, and I could smell spring in the air. It was delightful

Touching: My cat has his fluffy winter coat at the mo, and it is so soft and touchable. The best part is on his belly, but because he is a psycho cat I can only rub it when he's asleep. It's just as well for me that he is really enjoying snoozing on the sofa whilst Mr M and I watch the telly.

How was your week? What is your favourite type of music to listen to - I'm always open to expanding my musical tastes :)

It's time for a change

Have you ever woken up one morning, and just KNOWN that something has fundamentally shifted within you?

{Image from here}

I've had it once before (that I've been aware of), when I realised that it was time to end my previous relationship.

But usually I have a minor shift; nothing that I really take notice of, more of a general “hmm, I think I might need something to change, but I’m pretty ok with what’s going on so I’ll keep it in mind but I’ll leave it for a while”

After one of these shifts, I will often give a half-hearted attempt to look for something that has the potential to soothe my soul. But I never follow through with anything, and so have never found what it is that I need. Oh man, I am so not good to myself!

A couple of months ago I had another minor shift, and so I have been in the perfunctory throes of trying to find what it was that could ease my appetite for… well, I don’t know what actually. I just know that I have been searching for something.

Then weekend before last, I went into the study to clean up a pile of books that Warrie had thoughtfully pulled off the bookshelves. The first book on the top of the pile was a book that I had bought years ago, but never got around to reading – “I could do anything. If only I knew what it was” by Barbara Sher.

I picked the book up and put it on my bedside table.

A few days later I flicked through the book, and it randomly opened at a page. The following extract jumped off of the page and hit me like a tonne of bricks.

“… people who fear failure have got it wrong. They really fear success. If you truly feared failure, you’d be very successful. People who fear anything stay as far away from it as possible.”

Wow. Powerful stuff, right?

I had to re-read it a few times to make sure that I had understood what I was seeing. And every time I read it, it was like an alarm going off in my head.

I have spent so many, many years telling myself that I wasn't doing things because I was scared of failing at them. In fact, Mr M and I had a bit of a row about it just last month – I had told him I wasn't writing because I was scared of not being good enough at it, and his response was to tell me that I was talking a crock of shit; that I was making excuses. Needless to say, I didn't talk to him for the rest of the evening.

“If you truly feared failure, you’d be very successful.”

{Image from here}

Then I saw that line, and suddenly I got it. Mr M was right, I WAS talking shit. And I have been making excuses for myself for YEARS – hiding behind my so called “fear of failure” to justify to myself why I hadn't taken chances.

The crazy thing is, when I HAVE taken chances things have worked! The biggest (and best) example of this was breaking off my engagement and leaving my life in the UK to take a chance on a new relationship in Australia.

I risked everything to be with someone I thought could be “The One”, and I ended up married to the love of my life and with two gorgeous boys to boot. Pretty sure that counts as successfully conquering my fears!

A few weeks ago, I had a situation at work that has shaken me to my core; my professional and personal confidence has been shattered, and I have been left confused, scared and very unsure.

{Image from here}

Since then, I have spent a LOT of time thinking about the situation. An unhealthy amount of time, actually.

I have been trying to shift my mindset from one of fretting about and worrying at the problem, to a much healthier one of not worrying about what has already has happened, letting go, and dealing with things as they arise.

No mean feat for a girl who has been a life-long worrier!

But I think I have been successful. Now, nearly three weeks on, I see this “situation” at work as a catalyst of sorts.

I believe that things happen for a reason. And as distressing and exhausting as it is; I know that this has happened so that I can grow from it.

Maybe the Universe was sick and tired of me not following through with the minor shifts I had been feeling, and this was the only way it could get my attention.

Maybe it’s just my turn to have something a little unpleasant happen to me (and let’s face it, if this is the worst that I ever have to deal with then I am a very lucky girl!)

Whatever the reason, there has been a fundamental shift within my psyche that is too big to ignore. I can no longer stay stagnant; I have to move, I have to push my boundaries.

I have to be brave and find what it is that truly makes my heart and soul sing.

{Image from here}

What makes your heart and soul sing? Have you ever experienced a shift of your be-ing? I’d love to hear about your journey!

Friday Feels - 11 July

{Image from here}

This week, I've been thinking about memories a lot... I watched the intro to "Midnight in Paris" and the yearning I had to go to Paris was almost a physical hurt. I was asking Mr M about his memories of Paris, and if we should include it on our Big Trip, when I suddenly remembered - Duh! I've actually BEEN to Paris....

I was ashamed for a moment that I had forgotten about that trip, and over the last few days, I've been trying to recall the memories of the trip. I mean, it's PARIS for goodness sake, and it was my first weekend away with a boyfriend. Yeah, I was there about 20 years ago, but surely I should have some sort of lasting memory of it?

But things get muddled, and I'm not sure if some of my memories of Paris are from that weekend away, or the school trip I took to EuroDisney, when we spent a day in Paris on the way home.... let alone the effect that Hollywood will have had on my memories.

So I've decided to try to recall some memories of the bigger trips I've taken and the amazing places I've seen in my life. I've had a pretty interesting life (well, I like to think so!), so I hope you don't mind me sharing them with you  :)

Ok, moving on to my Friday feels:

Hearing: I have rediscovered deep house music, and I've been listening to it every day in the office in an attempt to focus on work and stop the distractions.
My other Spotify favourite is their #ThrowbackThursday playlist....  this Oasis song came on today and pretty much picked me up and threw me right back into the 90's




Seeing: Yesterday, Mr M and I went on my first ever bush walk. It was a relatively easy trail, that headed towards Red Hands Cave. The sun was shining, the air was crisp and I was spending the morning walking with my beloved - as an antidote to the way my week had been shaping up, nothing could have been better.

{Image from here}

Tasting: Well, this one is a bit of a throwback to a few weekends ago. I had seen a write up for a local gyro place, where the queue is our of the door. The gyros are out of this world!

Smelling: Mr M was away for a week for work recently - I have a whole new found respect for single parents!! It wasn't until he returned and I smelled his deodorant that I realised just how much I had missed his smell

Touching: Warrie loves me to "tickle back", and will sit on my lap with a look of utter bliss on his face as I tickle his little back... its so small, for now. It's a combo of joy and sorrow as I measure the size of Mac and Warrie's backs with my hand, tickle their soft downy skin, and trace their strong straight spines. Oh gosh I love my little boys!!

Have you ever forgotten a trip or a special place that you've been to?

What's your favourite travel memory? 

My first ever guest post!

A while back my beautiful friend Trishie, from Under Lock and Key, asked me if I would like to write about my decision on returning to work after the birth of Mac and Warrie, and I jumped at the chance!

So here it is, my first ever guest post!!

I didn't know that it had gone live - an issue with my phone meant that I had been basically uncontactable (is that even a word!?!) for over a week.

I also had a work issue crop up from left field at the end of last week, and have been feeling pretty less than ordinary the last few days.

But today, Trishie called me for a general chit chat and it boosted my mood ten fold... seriously, this lady has the best laugh and she know just what to say to cheer me up!

Just before we finished the call, she asked me if I had seen the post and read the comments that her readers had left. I told her no, but promised that I would as soon as we finished our conversation.

Boy am I glad that I did!

The response from her readers was overwhelming; so supportive and lovely. They boosted my confidence and lifted my soul - something that I didn't even realise I needed until I read the comments.

A number of people thanked me for my honesty in the post, and that's something that I am very proud of.

When I had my boys, I promised myself that I would always be honest about parenting - I saw (and experienced!) first hand, the mothers who would only tell people the "good stuff" about parenting... you know, how it is all sunshine and unicorns.

{image from here}

Yes it is an amazing and wonderful journey and I don't ever want to be without my kids - but you had better believe that there are moments (sometimes whole days!) where I would like nothing more than to be childless, to have the freedom (and the money!) to travel, or go out for a nice meal, or have actual conversations with people.

But let me tell you something else... when I pick them up from daycare, after a day spent in the office and up to an hour in peak hour traffic - there is NOTHING in this universe that is more restorative than my little boys running towards me, with their arms outstretched and their hearts on their faces, shouting "MUMMY!" and giving me the biggest bear hug imaginable

It's a cliche for a reason.... They really do make it all worthwhile.

Are you a parent? Do work, or are you a stay at home parent? What do your children (or nieces, nephews, grandchildren) do that makes everything worthwhile?

Friday feels - 23 May

Today, my work bestie told me a very interesting story that a mutual colleague had shared over lunch - and it all stemmed from her asking "What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

And it made me think about the worst thing I've ever done.

Now, I'm your basic goodie two shoes... sure I've done some things I'm not proud of, I've experimented, and I had my go at rebelling against "The Man" (whoever that is supposed to be). But essentially, I was a good kid/young adult. My mum was so lucky (and she will attest to that!!)

So I had to think pretty hard to find the worst thing I've done. And please bear in mind that my definition of "worst" is likely to be different from yours, and different again from the little old lady across the road...

So here's my worst thing:
When I was 13, I was staying over at a friends house. We snuck out of the house late one night to go to a local watering hole. There we stayed until 2am drinking beer with a bunch of American sailors fresh off the boats. Then we went back to my friends house, where we both smugly thought we had gotten away with our daring adventure... until my Mum confronted me the next afternoon when I got home. Apparently a friend of my family had seen me out without my parents, and mentioned it to her. Needless to say, I was grounded for a very long time.

I laughed when I was telling the story. How outrageous was I as a 13-year old!? OMG, hahaha, what was I even thinking??

I then I thought about it again; with the mind of a 36-year old, with the mind of a mother.

I was THIRTEEN. Out drinking beer with a bunch of SAILORS, all of whom were much older than us. And all FRESH OFF THE BOAT.

What the hell was I doing!? It's very apparent that I wasn't thinking. Jeez, I'm probably lucky to even be alive.

We were living overseas at the time, so I'm certainly lucky that we weren't caught by the police - it could have meant my family being deported.

And looking back on my life, that's what makes it the worst thing I've ever done; I put my family's lifestyle, my dad's job, mine and my brothers schooling in jeopardy.

I would like to say that I knew it was wrong, that I was lead astray by a girl with a much stronger personality than mine, and I was desperate to be her BFF (she was well in with the cool crowd, I floated (comfortably for the most part) between the cool and uncool crowds)... And that's all probably true, but gosh it makes me feel sad for my 13-year old self, that I couldn't stand up to her and say "WTF!? Go out drinking? I'd much rather stay home and play with my barbies!". Who knows, she probably would have been just as happy to do that too!

Moving on. Here are my Friday Feels:

Hearing: Mr M introduced me to Chet Faker last weekend. How have I not heard of him before!? This cover of No Diggity (a song that was one of the many soundtracks to my life in the 90's), is freaking awesome.



Seeing: It was a week of TV lasts and firsts in our household... I watched the last episodes of the current seasons of The Walking Dead, and the Vikings - not sure how I'm going to manage until the next season of both! I also finally managed to watch the first episode of the new season of Offspring. It's good to have Nina back on my screen, even though I cried almost the whole way through. Just as well I stocked up on tissues!! :)

Tasting: I tried a DELICIOUS slow cooker recipe on Tuesday, it was chicken wrapped in bacon cooked with grated apple and bbq sauce. We ate it with couscous and veggies. I will find that recipe and share it with you all, because it was divine!

Smelling: I took Mac to an open day at our local primary school on Tuesday. We were sat in a kindergarten room to talk to the Principal, and the smell and sights just flooded my brain with memories I had forgotten I even had!! As much as I am dreading him start school, I'm sort of looking forward to it too... I'm excited for him. I loved school and I have a feeling Mac will too.

Touching: A couple of weekends ago, I bought some new woolen jumpers - the first winter wardrobe items I have bought in about 5 years! There is one jumper in particular, a grey one, that is so soft and warm and cozy... But we've been having the most amazing weather this last week that I haven't had a chance to wear it yet!! Not that I'm complaining - I'm LOVING this autumnal weather!

So there you have it, my Friday Feels.

Let me know what you've been feeling this week, or tell me (if it won't get you into any trouble!) what's the worst thing you've done?

Friday Feels - 16 May

Welcome to the second installment on Friday Feeeeeeels (whenever I say it, I can't stop picturing it like that in my mind)

It's been a naff week for me, we are trying to get Mac to sleep in his own bed for the whole night, and the interrupted sleeps that have come from putting him back to be three or four times a night have really taken their toll.... I feel like a walking zombie.

I'm hoping to score a couple of naps this weekend to recover, keep your fingers crossed for me! :)

So here we go for my feels:

Hearing: Spotify is seriously the best. thing. everrrrr! At this exact moment in time, I am listening to the Take That Greatest Hits - and no, I am not ashamed to admit that  :)

Seeing: Or rather a lack of seeing - I completely forgot to record the first episode of Offspring the other night, and have been in an enforced interwebs embargo so that I don't accidentally read anything that might give the episode away!

Tasting: Take away pizza! Well, more the walk I took to pick it up. There is a pizza place literally around the corner from us. We don't normally frequent it, but last night we decided to give it a go. The bonus being that I got to walk through my neighbourhood. There was something almost magical about being the only person out walking in the moonlight whilst everyone was inside their houses or cars. I think I might start making it a regular thing... not the pizza, the evening walk!

Smelling: Whilst Mac was at his swimming lesson, there was a lady sat near me with a perfume that transported me to another time and place. I couldn't (still can't!) quite place the where and when, but I think it was late teens - so it was maybe a perfume a friend used to wear? Whatever it was it led me down a nostalgic path that I think I am still on... I'm quite enjoying it :)

Touching: Our cat's super soft winter fur is coming through. He is looking a bit fatter, and oh so cozy!! He's also been snuggling up to us on the sofa at night - which is awesome until he gets that crazy psycho look in his eye....

Has anything evoked nostalgic memories for you this week? I'd love to hear about it!

Self love is the new black!

So I feel like my last post was a bit of a downer. Especially as I set it to post on Mothers Day - awks! I had totally forgotten about Mothers Day when I scheduled the post!!

Today, I saw this post on MindBodyGreen about learning to love your body. And this comes just days after my Mum gave me a magazine article about being kind to yourself (which I'm yet to read).

So Universe, I get it, I am starting to listening to you. I will read the articles, take the advice on board, and take action.

I am sick of not loving myself enough. It has been such a long time since I fully accepted myself and been happy with the way I am... it was a magical few years between 17 and 20.

Mostly in the time since then, I have liked myself. Usually enough, sometimes barely enough. But loving myself? Surely that's what husbands are for!? (I'm joking!!)

So I'm ready to change, ready to be a woman comfortable in her own skin - stretch marks and all... well, maybe not the stretch marks just yet.

The MindBodyGreen post had a few suggested positive affirmations to help on the journey of self love. I have printed them off and I'm going to put them next to my bed to be the last words I see at night, and the first words I see in the morning....

• I am enough
• I am beautiful
• I am unique
• I love and respect my body (also, my mind and spirit!)
• I am more than my body
• My body is a safe, happy place
• I reject artificial standards of beauty that do not serve me
• I love myself unconditionally
• I see the beauty in all living things

To be honest, that last one has never a problem for me. But the rest is going to be hard to feel comfortable with for a while.

In the meantime, to counteract the negative feeling I was left with after my last post, here are a list of things I love about myself:

• I love the shape of my feet and how cute they look when I get a pedicure
• I love my legs
• Mr M loves my bum, so I guess that I can love that too.
• My biceps are pretty alright too.
• I love my big heart, and how open I am to loving people and letting them in.
• I love that my smile always reaches my eyes. I don't usually fake smile - if it's not for real then I just won't smile, full stop. Oh unless it's small talk stuff and I'm being polite... but even then, I think I'm pretty genuine about my smile.
• I love my eyebrows - I have had a number of beauticians in the past tell me how lovely they are, and my Mum is totes jealous of them! :)
• I love my personality, I'm usually bubbly and always ready to see the positive side of things (unless it relates to me.... but I'm going to change that!!)

Huh. I actually already feel a bit better.
I did NOT see that coming! :)

So Ladies, and Gentlemen!, tell me what you love about yourself. It can be something small, it can be something big. It can be something physical or a part of your personality.

What do you LOVE about being you??

How I feel about my post-babies body

Last weekend, a beautiful picture appeared in my instagram feed from Keeping Up With The Holsbys.

The title of the post was The stories of our post-baby flesh, and the pictures are just gorgeous. If there is only one blog you check out today, make it this one.

It was a thought provoking post for me, as I have a real love/hate relationship with my post-baby body:

• I love, and am in utter awe, that my body incubated and delivered two big healthy babies (Mac was 4.03kg and Warrie was 4.35kg)
• I hate the stretch marks and extra skin that came with such big babies that were all out the front (you couldn't tell I was pregnant from behind). I was 117cm around with Mac and 122cm around with Warrie.
• I love that I was able to breastfeed my babies, and the amazing bonding moments we had together.
• I hate that I can now easily hold the remote under my boobs

I won't go on, you get the idea. And I am sure that there are many other mothers out there who can totally relate.

I know that I am supposed to wear my stretch marks as a badge of honour.
I know that I'm not supposed to let society dictate what "beauty" is.
I know that I should listen to Mr M when he tells be that I look beautiful, and he wouldn't change a thing about me.

But I don't.

I hate my stretch marks (yet I do nothing to get rid of them - what the heck is up with that!? Some sort of self sabotage??)
I despair that I am now 5kg heavier than my original pre-pregnancy weight. I am in the gym or running every lunchtime, and seeing no change. I'm now working on the diet side of things... Fingers crossed
I don't like to get undressed in front of Mr M with the lights on, I'm terrified that he will suddenly change his mind about me. (I have absolutely NO EVIDENCE to support this, it's just my brain going into worst case scenario mode)

Then I see such amazing photos, and I know, I KNOW, that I need to cut myself some slack. And I try, I really do....

Maybe one day I'll just wake up and suddenly be all "Oh wow - my body grew two whole new people, and yes it's softer than it was 10 years ago. But it is freaking amazing, and I am so proud to be in this skin".

Maybe.

Introducing... Fridays Feels!

Now that I've finished my Gratitude Project, I've decided to start a new little project.
So I am please to introduce Friday Feels!!  :)

I saw something similar on The Little Red House, and just loved the idea too much to not give it a try  :)

Every week I will recap my week via the five senses, and anything else that seems to fit in with the theme...

Hearing: I have spent a large chunk of every day listening to the amazing Jana Kingsford from Mums Juggling Act as I start my journey towards unjuggling my life. And when I'm not listening to her fabulous vlogs, I am an utter addict of Spotify - this week has been a 90's flashback.... who am I kidding, most weeks are 90's flashback for me!

Seeing: Last weekend, Mac and I had a movie date and saw the Lego Movie. He sat on my lap for most of the movie, and we laughed together. It was awesome.

Tasting: I tried a new recipe this week - I promise one day to get some of my favourites on here for you! It was Lemongrass, chilli and pork stir fry... and it was delicious!!

Smelling: Mr M brought home some flowers from the set on Wednesday night - orchids no less! I am indeed a lucky girl!

Touching: I put flannelette sheets on our bed last weekend - oooohhhhh, so soft and cozy! Getting out of bed is now infinitely harder than it was a week ago!

And finally, a Friday funny. This is seriously one of the funniest things I think I have ever seen!

Share some of your Friday Feels with me! What tickled your senses this week?

Gratitude Project - 30th April - 2nd May

I've known for a while, but I am finally admitting it to the world.... Along with being a procrastinator, I am not a finisher.

For example, in January I embarked on a 30-day squat challenge; the end goal was to complete 175 squats in one go. Not particularly hard, I do squats almost every day in my fitness classes, and I had 30-days to build up to it.

But here we are at the beginning of May and I STILL have four days left to do.

{image credit}

Mr M calls me "Half-a-job-Harry":
Housework? Yeah, it'll get done, but the vacuum will probably sit in the bedroom for another two days...
Laundry? I'll wash and dry the clothes, but the folding? It's has been known for the clean laundry to sit on the sofa unfolded for two weeks...
Washing up? Well we have a dishwasher, and I am actually pretty good about loading and emptying it...

This rather major flaw stretches right back to primary school. We used to have project books with six or seven double page spreads that we would complete each term. At the start of every term, I would enthusiastically throw myself into the work and then by the time half-term came around, it was like pulling teeth to get me to do the work. My poor Mum!

I cannot recall ever finishing one of those books.

In fact, I can think of only three things I've finished; gestating my two children (does that even count!?), and the teeniest, tiniest cross-stitch piece for my Mum.

But that is hopefully all about to change - I have signed up to Mum's Juggling School in a bid to learn some new skills that will help me take control of my procrastination, which in turn will hopefully give me the impetus to see a job through to the end.

So I guess watch this space to see the journey! :)

Things I have been grateful for the last few days:

1. Signing up to the Mum's Juggling School, I have a good feeling about this

2. Mr M has been working away from home for a couple of nights. It's been hard to do all the parenting on my own (props to all single parents out there, you guys are freaking amazeballs!), but I've enjoyed the challenge, and the space. And I can't wait to see him tomorrow!

3. Having my exercise buddy back in the office - it's great to have someone help motivate me to actually get to the gym at lunch time!

Oh wow, I've finished my month of Gratitude... so I guess that's something else to add to my short list of completed things :)

Do you have a flaw that you're willing to share with the world? You're amongst friends here :)

Gratitude Project - 24th - 29th April

Long weekends - nothing can beat one. Except two long weekends in a row!
With the Easter weekend and then ANZAC Day following close behind, I have had a fab couple of short working weeks. And returning to work for a full five days is going to be a challenge.

Oh how quickly I adapt to being away from the office....

The best part about the double whammy long weekend, is that Mr M has been off work. It's been such a help having him at home; mornings have been easier, as have the evenings!, and we created a new bedtime routine - me reading two books to the boys, with Warrie snuggling on my lap whilst Mr M cuddles up to Mac in his bed.

The one thing that really stuck out for me this second long weekend, is how much the ANZAC day has come to mean something to me. Maybe its because I have two boys, and I can identify with the mothers that lost their sons in Gallipoli? Whatever the reason, I spent much of the Friday morning explaining (or trying to!) the importance of ANZAC day to Mac... without using the words "died" or "war", which I thought might be a little confronting for a 4.5 year old! I'm not sure how much he understood, or indeed if he was even listening to me!, but I felt like I solidified a little more in my own heart and mind as to why it is an important day for me.

When I first moved back to Australia, nearly 13 years ago, I had no real concept of ANZAC Day. I knew what it represented, and I understood the gravitas that surrounded it. But I just thought of it as a day off work and that whatever I got up to, I would be "doing it for the Diggers" - usually with a drink in my hand.

But as the years went by, and especially once I had Mac and Warrie, the value of the day shifted for me. All those men who perished in the Great War, in order that the world would be a better place, that we would have our freedom. The selflessness of those who were (are!) willing to go to war, those who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country, just blows my mind.

But I think the importance of the day really became apparent to me three years ago, when we were in Canberra kick-starting our honeymoon. We dragged Mac around the Australian War Memorial, (not sure what we were thinking, he was 18-months old!) and stayed for the Last Post ceremony. We had been reading the Roll of Honour, and I had just found my maiden name and was wondering if the names listed had been distant relatives of mine. Then the bugle started.

{image credit}

I am not ashamed to admit that I sobbed.

Standing next to the names of possible relatives, my first born son in my arms, my new husband standing protectively behind us, on a cold, crisp and beautiful Canberra afternoon. The sun was setting, the crowd of visitors in the Memorial was silent, and the haunting sound of the bugle was echoing through the air... How can you not be touched by that?

I cried for the men whose names were on the Roll of Honour.
I cried for the men and women currently serving.
I cried with thanks that I live in such an amazing country, where everyday I take for granted my freedom to live my life the way I see fit.
I cried with fear for the world that my child would inherit, and hoped that the horrors of war will never be something that he has to experience - a hope that I am sure every single parent in the world shares for their children.

Things I have been grateful for this long weekend:

1. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm forever grateful to the men and women who put their lives on the line for their country.

2. Bedtime snuggles with my boys

3. Family time - we had a lot of it, and we all thrived!


This wasn't what I thought this post was going to be about, my intent had been "light and breezy". But I guess it was something that my soul felt needed to be told.

Do you have a particular public holiday that holds importance or special meaning for you? I'd love to hear about it!

Gratitude Project - 18th-23rd April

Well, first things first - happy belated Easter!
We don't celebrate Easter in my house, but my boys are biiiig fans of the chocolate side of things!  :)

Secondly, I had an ah-MAZE-ing night out! Here's me in the top I got from The Iconic:

It was so nice to put a face to all the names that Mr M mentions everyday... the fact that he introduced me all night as his "beautiful wife" didn't hurt either :)
But the loveliest thing I heard was, after being introduced, all his colleagues said the same thing: "whenever I ask Mr M about your kids, his face just lights up"  All together now, AWWWW!

We chatted with everyone in the pub for hours, and were then ushered onto a bus and into a nightclub - the first time I have been in a nightclub in five years! I danced and danced and danced, and was horrified when all the kids were excited to hear songs that I was dancing to when they were first released 20 years ago!
It was awesome.

Mr M and I were home at a very respectable 12.50am, not in too bad a shape. And most glorious of all was the sleep-in the next day! Once again, a big YAY for grandparents!!

On the Easter Sunday, Mr M decided that he wanted to "do something" that day, so we took a road trip up through the Northern Beaches and ended up in Palm Beach. The sun was shining and the ocean sparkling, it was stunning!

{Who doesn't love the panoramic mode on the iPhone camera!}

{Personally, I think this is one of the best photos I've ever taken!}

{The last dip in the ocean for this season}

On the Monday, Mr M and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. But given that we'd had such a epic (for us) night out, we were in no hurry to have a special "date night" for the occasion; there'll be plenty more to come, I'm sure :)

Then it was back to reality and work. Mr M is currently on a production break at the moment, which is actually fab for me; an extra pair of hands to help with the morning rush, means I get an extra 30-minutes in bed in the morning! Woo hoo!

Things I have been grateful for this long weekend:

1. The fact that it was a long weekend - four days off; one awesome night out, and hanging with my boys. Heaven!

2. The weather. I hope you had as glorious a weekend as we did!

3. Fresh flannel sheets on the bed - so comfy, so dangerous; it's a real struggle to get out of bed!

4. Family. We got to see both sides of our family over the long weekend, which meant much laughter all round. I am so SO thankful for the family I have!

What did you get up to over the long weekend?

Gratitude Project - 17th April

I'm posting this early, because Mr M and I are having a night on the town tonight and I cannot be held responsible for the state that I will come home in (nor the nonsense I would write if I was to allow myself access to my blog!)  :)

A night out! On the long weekend, with the kids having a sleepover at the grandparents! I am so excited... in fact, this is how I am feeling right now - I'm gonna have me some fun!

{Image credit}

I've even bought a new top for the occasion! My first non-work item of clothing purchased in.... well, a long time!

I got it from The Iconic and had it delivered within 3 hours. It was dangerously easy, and fun.

And just to cap it all off, Mr M thinks I look good in it  ;)




So although I haven't had a full day in which to find things to be grateful for, these are the things I am grateful for today:

1. Running with my bestie - this is probably one of the best changes I have made this year. Combining exercise and seeing my bestie for a chat.

2. Spotify on my office PC. I love having access to all sorts of music to suit my mood. At the moment, if I have a lot of work to do, I've started listening to "old skool house" music really loud and just powering through my work. It's awesome

3. My Mum. For having my boys tonight and for making it work, no matter what. She's amazeballs :)

What are your plans for the Easter long weekend? 

Gratitude Project - 16th April

Today is my half brother's birthday, he's turned 14. It has made me feel wistful.

I've been doing a lot of remembering/thinking recently about my teenage years. Mostly the range and depth of emotions that were in constant turmoil.

I'm excited for my brother to be going through this stage of life (though he is a much more level headed kid than I ever was!).

First crushes, first heartbreaks. The devastation of a broken friendship and the joy of mending it.

The desire to fit in, the desperation to be unique.

The sheer delight in being alive. 

He is finding his way through teenage-dom and coming out the other side, as a young man ready to make his mark on the world.

As a young girl, I never felt like I was the right age; I had always felt 16, even when I was 11 or 12.

Then when I turned 16, I finally felt like I was where I was supposed to be (age wise!). I sometimes think I've never really moved on from that age - I can stray into immature and puerile humour at any time! Which is not really helped by my paternal side of the family having a penchant for toilet humour!

I miss the newness of life as a teenager. Experiencing so many firsts. Learning how to be grown up, but knowing that I didn't have to be just yet; that's what parents are for!

And now I have two children. Crazy!!

I my mind I still feel 16. Mr M can still evoke in me similar feelings of being a teenager in love... 

These days I tell people that yes I am an adult, but I have no intention of being a proper grown up! :)

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Sunshine! I was starting to get bored of the rainy days. 

2. Bedtime snuggles as I read bedtime stories - my babies won't be small forever, I'm trying to make the most of it!

3. Exercise. I didn't want to go today (my workout buddy has been out of the office all week). But I made myself go, and did a 30-minute weights session. I love the feeling afterwards, that good sore pain that proves to me that I've worked hard.

Did you enjoy being a teenager? What's your favourite joke?

Gratitude Project - 11th - 15th April

Woah! Got a bit of catching up to do!

On Saturday, we moved the boys into Mac's old bedroom and chucked out a pile of crappy plastic broken toys, which for some unknown reason I had been holding on to. Oh man that felt good! There's still more to get rid of (to donate), but that's a job best done without children around!

On Sunday we went to my beautiful best friends housewarming party. She is amazing; not only are they in the process of renovating, but she managed to cook snacks and make delicious finger foods for 50 odd people!! I wish I had taken photos, but I was too busy stuffing my face :)

That afternoon, I went to my step-sister's place to celebrate my step-dad's birthday. She had made a Donna Hay banana cake with caramel sauce. OMFG.  I don't think I can ever exercise that cake off, but it was so SO totally worth it!

Yesterday I had to have the day off work, waiting for a tradie to come around. As he was due in the afternoon ("Sometime between 1 and 5pm"), I decided to spoil myself in the morning. I got my nails done, my eyebrows threaded and tinted and I had a hair cut! I left the shopping mall feeling like a million bucks :)

And after the tradie had been and gone, I had the ultimate experience: food shopping. With. NO. Children!! Only a parent can understand the way that feels :)

Today was back to normal, but it was all good - it's only a three day week, and same next week too!! Yay for public holidays!

There have been so many things to be grateful for over the last few days. But I'll share just this one:

There was a moment on Saturday, whilst Mr M and I were moving the cot (Warrie was trying to help, and was wedged between the wall and the side if the cot - it was freaking hilarious!), and I suddenly realised that I was happy.

Deeply DEEPLY happy.

The kind of happy that moves you to tears.

I stopped what I was doing (watching Mr M extracate Warrie from his predicament), and just immersed myself in the moment.

I let all that happiness wash over me, I let the tears prick my eyes, I let my heart be flooded with joy. And I relished in it.

So, I am grateful for that moment of happiness.

And I am grateful that I was aware of what was happening, and was able to grasp that moment with both hands and to really truly experience being happy. 

What was the highlight of your weekend?

Gratitude Project - 10th April

Yesterday, when I started the car, the radio turned on blaring out "Footloose". It was at the very beginning of the song "Been working so hard, I'm punching my card"

What a fitting way to leave the office :)

And I'm sure it makes people stare as I drive past bopping around and singing my lungs out. Hey, if my car can't be my personal pretend recording studio what's the point in having a car!

Things I am grateful for today

1. Watching Mac swim. I love watching him interact with the teacher and the other kids. And seeing him big smile every time he does a lap. Heart melting. Today he started a new class time with a new teacher, and he handled the changes brilliantly!

2. Running in the rain with my bestie - now THAT'S love! but more importantly we got some awesome laughter in for 30 minutes.

3. Tonight I put both the boys into Mac's bed whilst I read their bedtime books (Warrie is in a cot). To see the two of them snuggling together just made my heart do a flip flop.

It lasted all of two minutes... But was a beautiful moment for that whole two minutes.

Where do you like to sing a tune? What's been your "leaving the office" anthem this week?

Gratitude Project - 9th April

Not much to say about today. It was a Wednesday, much like every other. 

Although now we are officially on the descent into the weekend. So yay for that! 

I was checking in with myself today, just to see how I think I'm doing... I'm finding more brightness to my days, so I think I'm improving. But I feel like there's a sense of anxiety behind everything I do at the moment. I'm not sure what that's about, but I glad I'm aware if it - something to keep an eye on.

But mostly I'm feeling better about things, and working in feeling better about myself. For now though, I'm just faking it until I start making it :)

Things I am grateful for today:

1. My work bestie - after doing the reforecasting for a week, I've found myself a bit behind with my normal workload. She has been so awesome in taking a chunk of work off my desk. I love her!

2. My workplace exercise bestie - she keeps me motivated to actually hit the gym, rather than sitting at my desk stuffing my face with food. Which would totally be my preference. Oh, and she's an absolute crack up :)

3. Mr M was home 10 minutes earlier than expected. It made such a difference to the evening; less stress for me!

Have you checked in with yourself recently? How are things going?

Gratitude Project

Warrie is almost two and it's put me in a bit of a tizz.

When Mac was exactly this age, I was 2 weeks pregnant with Warrie - he was so small and new that I didn't even know he was there yet!

And now, he's almost two. And I don't have another bun in the oven.... and I think I'm sad about that. I've known since Warrie was three days old that my newborn days weren't over.

Mr M and I have talked about it at great length - yes we both want another child, but now is not the right time. We are already strapped for cash, if there was to be another nappy user in the house I think it would tip us over the edge.

We have decided to wait a little longer before making a final decision on the matter. Whether we decide to adopt or try for another of our own, my only stipulation is that any new babies arrive before I'm 40.

Things I'm grateful for today:

1. Getting works reforecasting finished today - a day before the deadline! Go me!!

2. Exercise, and the good pain that comes with it. As much as I whinge and moan about doing the exercise, I love the feeling of being strong and healthy. 

3. Picking the boys up early and playing Bear Hunt in the playground.

What was the last workout you did?

Gratitude Project - 7th April

Gosh Monday rolls around fast, doesn't it? Why are weekends so short!?!

It was a very normal and uneventful Monday in the office today, so not much to report. 

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Having a loooong laugh with my work bestie today, and possibly having created a new inside joke too. We'll have to give it a few test runs to see if it will stick ;)

2. My new slippers from Next.com. Not only are the cute and comfy (not to mention warm!), but they are machine washable!! Is it weird that I am happy about that?

3. Making milo muffins. These are pretty much my new favourite things, and so yummy with my afternoon cuppa! And they are so quick and easy to make! I'll post the recipe up for anyone who's interested :)

How was your Monday?

Gratitude Project - 6th April

What a wet and rainy day!

I was so glad to be spending the morning indoors with the in-laws (I love how that rolls off the tongue!) to celebrate my sister-in-laws birthday.

Mr M is one of four, and once we include spouses and children a intimate family get together is actually a feast for fourteen!!

As one of two children*, living overseas and away from extended family for much of my life - gatherings with my in-laws used to be quite intimidating and awkward. I had no idea where to sit, or who to talk to. That sounds silly to me now, but back at the beginning (nearly 12 years ago!), it was a real worry for me. Especially as I knew very early on that Mr M was a keeper, and I was so desperate for his family to like me too!! :)

These days, it's much easier. We sit around the table (wherever we damn well please!), and the conversations flow so comfortably; sometime you are part of two or three conversations!

They are my family and I love them all.

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Having such a wonderful relationship with my in-laws. I know that it doesn't always happen this way, and I am so blessed to have them as my family.

2. Having some one on one time with Mac. Sure it was at the supermarket (boring!), but we had such fun along the way. He was using a water pistol - un filled!! - to make sure that I was safe from Storm Troopers. What a thoughtful boy! :)

3. All my laundry is folded up. Some of it has been sitting in the basket for a week! Now all I have to do is put it away. Is there no end to laundry!!! When will someone invent Eco friendly disposable clothes?!

*I am lucky enough to now include a half brother, and two step-siblings both with children of their own, so my own family functions are expanding too!  :)

How many siblings do you have? Are you as bad as I am about folding your laundry??

Gratitude Project - 5th April

This morning Mr M took the boys out for an adventure in the car. I was still in bed, struggling to wake up after a long night with Warrie, and as he walked out the door Mr M casually threw over his shoulder "Hey you should have a bath whilst we're out..." And then he closed the door.

It took all of 20-seconds for the words to register and for me to have started the bath running.

Seriously how decadent is a long hot bath first thing on an autumn morning?

Not as decadent as a long hot bath on an autumn morning with a huge cup of tea, three crumpets and a favourite book, whilst listening to some great tunes!

{Thank you Mr M!}

I had 45-minutes of relaxed bliss before everyone came home and my day started properly, and fabulously!

Things I a thankful for today:

1. Spending most of the day with a friend who really needed it. And despite there being four boys in the house, we managed to have a good chat.

2. A sunny evening, so we were able to take the boys for a play/bike ride to burn off their excess energy!

3. A deliciously cool night; I love snuggling up to Mr M for warmth. He's like my personal hit water bottle! :)

What is your favourite book?

Gratitude Project - 4th April

Because of the dreary weather today, Mac and Warrie spent most of today. So after work Mr M, the boys and I went to a tunnel near a local park to kick a ball in.

We had a such a great time :)

Things I'm thankful for today:

1. Getting my exercise in before the rain - even though I went swimming, it meant I didn't have to walk back to the office in the rain ;)

2. Takeaway - thank you Mr M!!

3. It's Friday! Hip hip hooray!

What are your weekend plans?

Gratitude Project - 3rd April

Just so you know, the assumption for my gratitude list is that I am always grateful for my two healthy, adorable, rambunctious, funny, irritating, happy, loving boys. Every day. No matter how much they tick me off, or make me long for the days when I could afford nice clothes/shoes...

Yes I can imagine life without them; but I don't want to ever be without them.

They might make me want to punch walls with their constant "Mummy. Mummy. Mummy. Mummy." But then something like this happens:

Today was Mac's swimming lesson, so I dropped Warrie off at day care before hand. As we were walking in, he stops, looks over his shoulder and says, "Where Mac? Mac gone?"

"Yes darling, Mac has a swimming lesson. He'll be back in a little while."

Cue a devastated face, tears and clutching my leg from my normally very independent little boy.

After swimming, as I pulled back up outside the centre, I turn to get Mac out of the car. He has a very sad expression. "Sweetheart, what's wrong!?"

"Mummy, I miss Warrie. Can I give him a cuddle when I go in?"

My heart melts with the love these to boys have for each other. And I know that I am blessed to have them.

And so it is a given that at the very way far top of my gratitude list is my two boys.

{Seriously, these kids break my heart with their gorgeousness. Every. Single. Day}

So, apart from my babies, the things I am grateful for today are:

1. Running with my bestie today. Well run-walking really, and mostly lots of chatting :)  We've decided to make it a weekly thing, and I'm already looking forward to next week!

2. My slow cooker; so little effort for so much delicious reward!!

3. A decent TV series. A few of my favourite shows are: Rake, The Moodys, Offspring, Walking Dead, The Spoils of Babylon. 

I am currently obsessed with the show Vikings... Ragnar Lothbrok (Travis Fimmel) really floats my boat. 

We don't watch a lot of TV (mostly because there's never anything good on!) but thanks to Mr M, we're up to date with this fab series, and I am loving it!

What's your current favourite tv show? Do you have any recommendations?

Gratitude Project - 2nd April

It was a gorgeous warm sunny day today, the kind that makes it hard to believe that winter is on its way. The kind where all you want to do is find a little quiet patch of grass and lay on a blanket all day long with an awesome book and delicious picnic. Snoozes optional ;)

But despite the glorious weather, I somehow forced myself to be more productive today; still can't quite work out the secret. Why is it some days so bad and others it's so easy to power through??

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Mac sleeping in until 6.45am! That's  a whole hour longer than usual!

2. Today was hump day, so yay for the approaching week end!!

3. Picking Mac and Warrie up early from daycare and taking them to the playground. I had to time them racing around all of the equipment and going down the slide (high fives on the way downwere not optional!)

{Warrie}

What was the weather like where you are today? 

Gratitude Project - 1st April

Today was a good day; I completed two big items off my work to do list, and rewarded myself with a cuppa and a homemade muffin.

I'm struggling with procrastination at the moment, so that was kind of a big deal :)

I have so many things in my head that I want to action, but I think I'm getting lost in the overwhelmingly BIG "big picture". I'm going to have to set aside some time to write everything down and start to break them into bite size bits. Maybe then I'll actually feel like the tasks will be achievable, or even better maybe I'll actually start doing something!!

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Having prepped daycare lunches the night before. Starting this habit has really relieved some of my morning stress!

2. Hitting the gym. I used it as a reward for completing a boring task today, and it was worth it! I felt so much better and was more proactive in the afternoon. 

3. Autumn. I'm loving the cooler nights and snuggling under the doona!

What are you grateful for today?

Do you have any tips for beating procrastination??

What's in a name?

Well, as I've decided to make a concerted effort to be better about posting on this blog, I think I'm going to have to rename a few things....

Firstly, my Little Monster and Even Littler Monster will be changing.
I was SO convinced that I was going to have a girl the second time around, that I thought Little Monster and Little Princess would make referring to the kids so easy. Yup, cue two boys and the original monikers are not so easy.
From now on (until I decide to change them again!), they will be referred to as Mac (my oldest) and Warrie (my youngest)

Husband has become Mr M - its just so much easier, down from 7 letters to 3 letters plus a space! Result!

I shall remain Melissa or Mrs M - unless I can come up with something better!

Looking forward to starting my Gratitude Project tonight!

Invitation to join my project

It's been hard going since my brother and his family returned back to the UK. We'd spent two fabulous weeks all together, and the return to work life and normality have taken a bit of a toll on my soul.... Surely life is too short to not be spending every precious moment with those you love!?

But if I continue down that path, then this post will become about priorities and the whole work/life balance, which would lead me to acknowledge and admit that mine is pretty out of whack. And I'm not ready to deal with the fall out from that just yet.

So to help me find my inner happy place again, I'm going to restart my Gratitude Project for the month of April (and beyond!) - and I would love for you to join along!

It's simple. Once a day, I'd like for you to sit quietly and think about three things that you are most grateful for in that day and write it down.

Personally this works best for me at bedtime, when I have a few quiet minutes to reflect without distraction. But if you find that it works for you first thing in the morning, or lunchtime, or whilst driving to the office, then go with what feels best!

{Photo credit}

I will be using my blog as my gratitude journal, and writing my gratitudes here - I usually add a little snippet of my day too... Not only does it give you all a peek into my life and who I am, but also for the days I struggle to find something to be grateful for; I like to look back for reminders or inspiration, and I find that leaving a small record of my day helps to jog my memory.

Maybe you have a journal or a diary, or even a post-it note that you stick on a door - just make sure you write it down. I find that the act of writing down the things I am thankful for solidify them in my mind. They might start off as something that feels a bit silly thinking of as a gratitude, but once it is written down it will become real and you will feel truly thankful for it.


And if you feel so inclined, please feel free to share your gratitude with me, I would love to see what makes you happy!... and to find inspiration from you - sometimes a gratitude can be hard to find.

I also will be taking pictures for my Mum's the Word Instagram page to visually share my world with you. I will be using the hashtag #MTWGratitudeProject. I hope to see you there :)

Here's to a month of being thankful!

Returning to business as usual

So it’s been a VERY busy two weeks – so much laughter, talking, eating, drinking and general hanging out with my brother and his wife and watching our children play together.  It was exhausting, elating and so SO good for my soul.

We mostly stayed at my parent’s house south of Sydney, but we did venture out to a gorgeous South Coast beach for two nights. The best thing about that (apart from two full days with just the two families), was that all the kids were so exhausted after a day at the beach or running around playgrounds that they were all in bed and asleep by 7.15. Which meant that we were all able to sit in peace and quiet with a glass of wine and watch the moon rise over the water. Bliss.

The other bonus of my two weeks off is that I had a forced break from my personal social media habit. Some of it was self imposed, but mostly it was because I had no WiFi and a rapidly dwindling data allowance!

The benefits of not being on social media for my mental health have been fantastic. I wasn't constantly posting witty statuses or pictures of my children, and then constantly checking for who had liked my posts or who had made a comment – in short, I didn't spend the whole time searching for a perceived “approval” from my friends.

I was still posting occasional pictures on Instagram, but I spent the two weeks trying my very hardest to be present in the moment.

It’s hard though. On the one hand I wanted to watch every moment that our children were interacting; watching the starts of bonds of friendship between the four boys. But on the other hand, I also wanted to take pictures of these special moments and record them for family members who couldn't be with us.

It’s a fine line, one that I think I managed to balance better than I had anticipated. Of course my obsession with Words With Friends was another issue entirely!

Every evening, as I lay in bed, I thought about the Gratitude Project post that I would have been making on my blog for the day. So even though I wasn't writing it down for all to see, I was still going through the process and appreciating everything that made up my days.

To be honest – pretty much every day ended with me being grateful for having the opportunity to spend time with my brother and his family, and to watch the four cousins interact.

The double bonus of my brother being over here, is that it’s made Mr M and I decide to set a savings goal for a trip back to the UK. I’ll be eligible for Long Service Leave in about 3 years, so we’re using that as a starting point for departure dates as it means I’ll be able to take 7 or 8 weeks.

It’s been a long time since we last traveled proper. And just quietly, the thought of having a trip to plan and a goal to meet has boosted my happiness through the roof!

When was your last big trip? Where did you go?

Gratitude Project - 1st to 3rd March

What a fab few days I've been having!! I've had a day just with my little family unit, a day with my Dad's side if the family and now a whole day with my brother and his gorgeous family.

I feel so blessed and blessed out; it's awesome!!

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Just to harp on about it; my bro. Seriously, he's awesome. His wife is awesome (and such a hoot!!). His kids are awesome. And they are all mine for the next two weeks!!

2. My extended family. We see each other two or three times a year, and it's always such fun when we get together. Rain stopped the boules comp this time, but there's always the next picnic!

3. My slow cooker. Came home from the family picnic to a house the smelt delicious. Dinner was practically ready and I had done next to nothing, bar some chopping. That's my kind of cooking! ;)

What's your favourite household gadget?

Gratitude project - 28th February

It was a long day at work - they usually are when you're trying to get everything done before you take time off. But it's done and dusted; I am now on two weeks leave, ready to spend pretty much all of it chillaxing with my bro and his family. I'm sure there's going to be a bottle or two to wash the conversations down with :)

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Getting my work done, and knowing that I don't have to worry about it for the next two weeks! Yay!

2. Tired children. They both went to sleep with little drama; such a relief!

3. Home delivery. No cooking and no cleaning. Best invention ever!

Did you have a successful day? What are your weekend plans?

Gratitude project - 22nd to 27th February

Sorry for the five days of silence - I was spending some wonderful time with my brother and his drop dead gorgeous family! And then I was back at work, trying to catch up before I have the next two weeks off to properly spend time with my bro...

I've been a bit narky the last few days. I'm not sure why, maybe it's a little "relapse"?? All I know is that poor Mr M and the kids can seem to do nothing right at the moment, and it makes me feel worse because I know that what I am perceiving as their "bad" behavior is all in my head.
I feel like I am so angry at everything and everyone on the inside, whilst at the same time having arguments with myself to clarify what it is that I can really be angry with and what it is that my brain is making up.

Meanwhile, on the outside I am trying desperately to make everyone think that I'm all ok. GAAAHHHH! It's freaking exhausting!

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~

I have five days of gratitude to catch up on. Rather than list 15 things (three for each day), I am just going to do a short blanket list to cover what I have been grateful for. Let's face it, for most of that time I was with my brother, and I am so immensely grateful for that time with him that it probably counts for at least ten of the items I am grateful for :)

So, things I am thankful for:

1. My brother. Two and a half years (almost) since I last saw him... As small as the world can seem with the magic of the internet and Skype and Facetime, nothing, not a single damn things, is as wonderful as the physical person in front of you. Being able to see the subtle body language during a conversation, to see the laughter lines around eyes, to just cuddle him because I can.
I tell you what, someone was really looking out for me when they were dishing out brothers. I got the best one.

2. My nephews. Oh. Emm. Gee. Cutest kids ever! So clever and gorgeous, and cuddly and funny. Watching my two boys playing with their cousins was a sight that filled my heart with joy. I cannot wait for two weeks of watching them :)

3. Two days away from work. Well I think you can all understand why I'd be grateful for that! (apart from prattling on again about hanging with my bro!)

4. Mr M. He's been home poorly for the last two days with a nasty cough (it makes working on a TV set very difficult!). And he hasn't done a thing around the house; which has contributed to my feelings of anger, no doubt. But he has been very good about giving me space in the evenings. He's not hassling me, he's just loving me from a distance whilst I scowl my way through the evening. And then he holds me tight in bed without saying a word.

5. Running in the rain. Normally I avoid running if it's already raining before I leave. But today, I did it. And I got soaked! But I was running with a bestie, and we were having a wonderful child free catch up whilst exercising - it was brilliant! :)

I think that'll do for now. You guys get the gist - I'm so happy to see my bro, that everything else I am thankful for is a bonus :)

What have you been up to these last few days? What has jumped out at you as something to be truly grateful for?

Gratitude project - 21st February

Running close to empty tonight, after a household of bad sleeps last night. But that's ok, because tomorrow is the day I get to see my bro and start spending some quality time with him! YAY!!

Things I'm grateful for today:

1. A gym at work. I swam with my gym buddy today, and it suddenly occurred to me just how wonderful it is to have a gym at work. I'm getting four to five 30-minute sessions in every week. Not quite enough to loose those last few kilos, but enough to stop putting in any more weight!!

2. Ticking things off my to do list. If procrastinating was an Olympic sport (winter or summer!), I'd be a hold medalist for sure! Ticking off three big tasks today felt like the awesome achievement it was. I'm proud of myself

3. Playtime with Mr. Nearly-2. We had 20-minutes playing on the bed, just the two of us. He was chatting away to me and generally being the most adorable thing you've ever seen. I tried to capture some of it on video, but of course he was more interested in the phone than talking.  My favorite part? Being asked to "kickle" him :)

What are you looking forward to this weekend? Are you winging it, or do you have something planned?

Gratitude Project - 20th February

It's horrible knowing that my brother and his family are finally here, and yet not being able to see them until the weekend! It's only two more days... I can make it ;)

Today I am grateful for:

1. Not taking my phone to Mr.4's swimming lesson. Being full 100% present was such a gift today. I saw all the smiles and little glances and didn't miss a single moment of him being awesome in the water.

Now to learn to be phone free more often!

2. Being offered a writing opportunity. It's nothing big, just a little snippet in a friends blog - but it is the first time I've ever been asked! Equally terrified and excited! :)

And I'll let you know if/when it's posted!

3. Shopping kid free! I just had to pop into the supermarket for a couple if things, and that was the bliss; I popped in! No car seats to be buckled in and out of. No fighting over who sat in the trolly seat. No "Mummy, can I have...".

I even managed to have a flick through some if the trashy magazines in my own sweet time. Heavenly.

How do you manage balancing life and smartphones? Or are you like me, with more of a smartphone addiction than you would like to admit?

Gratitude Project - 18th and 19th February

I write these little snippets of my day on my mobile in bed every night. Somehow baring some of my soul on the screen on a phone is less daunting that when sat at the computer - who knows the logic behind that!

Of course, this can mean that I miss a night or two because I just can't keep my eyes open a moment longer. As was the case last night. 

Today, my brother and his family flew in from the UK. We've not physically seen each other in just over two years - thank goodness for facetime, otherwise I would have forgotten what he looks like!

I surprised him by joining my mum and step-dad at the airport to meet him. I was 45-minutes late for work, but it was absolutely worth it!!

I love airports; the smell of excitement as people are getting ready to go on adventures (or is that just the jet fuel!?); the smiles on peoples faces when they see loved ones arrive; the sadness when the part ways at the departure gate... I find it such a melting pot of emotions that are infectious.

Today, whilst waiting for my bro and his family, Mum and I saw two girls scream at each other from opposite sides of the arrival gate and run towards each other (still squealing in joy) with huge grins on their faces. And then the dissolved into tears as they hugged, and looked each other over and laughed, and talked a mile a minute. Their joy was palpable, and nearly everyone in the area stopped to watch the reunion.

Mum and I couldn't help but cry along with them; they were just so happy to see each other, and that unbridled love and joy..., well like I said it's infectious.

Anyhoo. I've international visitors are here for a good three weeks, and I'm taking some time off work to hang out with them as much as possible - I can't wait!!! :)

If you've made it this far (and well done if you have, it is a bit of an essay!), here are the things I've been grateful for yesterday and today:

1. My work bestie - she can always make me laugh when I need it the most... And just because!

2. Lunch date with my step-dad. We eat junk food and talk about everything; whether it's attempting to solving each other's problems or world peace, we cover most subjects.

He's another person who's good for my soul.

3. That first moment when the boys see me at daycare when I pick them up. They both drop everything and run over for a kiss and a cuddle. It makes my heart sing.

4. My brother's safe arrival. It was the first time I've met my youngest nephew, I can't wait to spend more time with him!

5. Hubby, for taking the kids to daycare this morning so I could go to the airport. 

6. An early evening rainbow at the end of a very rainy afternoon:

Who was the last person you met at the airport? Did you cry? :)