How I feel about my post-babies body

Last weekend, a beautiful picture appeared in my instagram feed from Keeping Up With The Holsbys.

The title of the post was The stories of our post-baby flesh, and the pictures are just gorgeous. If there is only one blog you check out today, make it this one.

It was a thought provoking post for me, as I have a real love/hate relationship with my post-baby body:

• I love, and am in utter awe, that my body incubated and delivered two big healthy babies (Mac was 4.03kg and Warrie was 4.35kg)
• I hate the stretch marks and extra skin that came with such big babies that were all out the front (you couldn't tell I was pregnant from behind). I was 117cm around with Mac and 122cm around with Warrie.
• I love that I was able to breastfeed my babies, and the amazing bonding moments we had together.
• I hate that I can now easily hold the remote under my boobs

I won't go on, you get the idea. And I am sure that there are many other mothers out there who can totally relate.

I know that I am supposed to wear my stretch marks as a badge of honour.
I know that I'm not supposed to let society dictate what "beauty" is.
I know that I should listen to Mr M when he tells be that I look beautiful, and he wouldn't change a thing about me.

But I don't.

I hate my stretch marks (yet I do nothing to get rid of them - what the heck is up with that!? Some sort of self sabotage??)
I despair that I am now 5kg heavier than my original pre-pregnancy weight. I am in the gym or running every lunchtime, and seeing no change. I'm now working on the diet side of things... Fingers crossed
I don't like to get undressed in front of Mr M with the lights on, I'm terrified that he will suddenly change his mind about me. (I have absolutely NO EVIDENCE to support this, it's just my brain going into worst case scenario mode)

Then I see such amazing photos, and I know, I KNOW, that I need to cut myself some slack. And I try, I really do....

Maybe one day I'll just wake up and suddenly be all "Oh wow - my body grew two whole new people, and yes it's softer than it was 10 years ago. But it is freaking amazing, and I am so proud to be in this skin".

Maybe.