Perfection - YeahWrite Microprose #403

His face pulled away from mine reluctantly, and I could tell from his eyes that he was smiling. My heart pounded, my face was flushed, and my legs seemed to have stopped working. 

It was the perfect first kiss.

Microprose #386 - How quickly we remember

In that initial moment of being awake, laying in bed with her eyes closed and the sun shining through the curtains, everything was exactly how it should be. But with her first conscious breath, the obscenity of life moving on hit her. And grief swallowed her once again.

The prompt for this can be found here

What sadness can bring

Mr M lost a very close friend a week ago. It was an unexpected and tragic death, and he leaves behind his wife and toddler, and a small community of family and friends struggling to comprehend what's happened.

Death and grief are two of my all-time least favourite subjects (and I don't think I'm alone in this). I have a tendency to run away from death and grief in the hopes that they will never touch my life; I know, I know, dumb and impossible.

But, Mr M has been utterly devastated by this loss and I am proud to say that even with my aversion, I have fully stepped up to help him through this sad and painful time.

I NEVER confront death. If the thought of it enters my head, my brain scrunches its eyes shut tight, holds its hands up to its ears and sings "LAH LAH LAH, I CAN'T HEAR YOU" ever so loudly. But this time, I told my brain to stop. I'm not wallowing in my emotions, but I am sitting with them; welcoming them into my heart, acknowledging them and allowing them the time to be processed appropriately. I respect this man too much to ignore my hubands (and my own!) feelings on the sadness of his passing.

(Huh. It seems that I may have grown up somewhat... well, that and a few years of therapy!)

With this newfound sense of acceptance, I have also broken through my fear of visiting with our friend's wife. I was terrified that I would do something wrong, or say something stupid and thoughtless in my awkward uncomfortableness with the enormity of the situation. But in the face of her all-consuming grief, a grief that I cannot even begin to fathom (thanks to my never entertaining the thought of such a loss), I stared down my fear and reached out to her with an gigantic hug and a heart full of love. And from her reaction, I did good.
Side-note: I'm a great hugger, it's kind of my signature move.

~*~*~*~*~

As usually happens in the aftermath of a tragedy, the truly important things in your life tend to pop out in stark contrast to the mundane and ordinary things; the things that seem to consume all your time and energy but aren't really as important as they pretend to be.

Through the (far too) few times we have spent time together, and stories from Mr M, I know that his friend was funny, insightful, spiritual (though not religious), a very devoted husband and father, generous - he was a giver (of time, energy, and things when required), a super talented cinematographer, a writer, a refugee, a pain in the ass sometimes (aren't we all!), a dream chaser, a lover of animals, open-minded (and even when he was being a judgmental jerk, he was still open to the alternative view), an amazing friend to Mr M (with a fantastically eclectic bunch of friends), and a real go-getter; if he said he was going to do something, he went and did it. No exceptions. And everything that he did, he approached with an open heart ready to accept the adventure ahead.

Because of his friendship with Mr M, and with his passing, this man has become an inspiration to me. His heartbreakingly early death has reminded me that life is waaaaay to short to be fucking around with things that make me feel "meh" or make me unhappy. He was prolific with the work that he created, writing a feature film about his family's life and their ordeal to seek asylum in Australia in the 70s, whilst at the same time working on a documentary about an orchestra from his home country, and filming artistic adverts for international fashion houses.

He was living every single, day doing what he was passionate about and enjoying every moment. Yes there were bad times for him, and unpleasant interactions that impacted on him. But they never stopped him from pursuing what he wanted.

A few days after his death, I wrote a list: "Things that need to happen". Some of the things on the list are chores that I should have done ages ago (contact a financial advisor); some are things that are super important to do ASAFP, especially now that I know that any moment could be my last (write a will! This also falls under the should have done ages ago section); and some are things that I have been meaning to put effort into, but just never find (make!) the time to do.... such as writing and finding a side hustle.

To honour the life of this talented mo-fo, I have decided to live my life more fully. Concentrate on the things and people that fill my heart with love and joy. Dedicate some time each day to writing, and to find the joy in learning the craft. And together, Mr M and I have decided to live the life that we want to live; to pursue a lifestyle that results in our family's happiness.

Hold your loved ones close, and connect with those who mean the most to you, tell them WHY they mean so much to you. Try not to take anyone for granted, for who knows when they won't be there anymore.

Big love.

YeahWrite #347 - A Different Kind of Season

A Different Kind of Season

The evening heat makes the ground shimmer and seems to add light to the glowing sunset.

I spot the one tree that hides the treasure; a candle below the leaves marks the spot where my tropical Christmas adventure will begin.

Yeah Write #344 - The End

The End

Clouds scudded across the moon. A branch snapped nearby as the shadow of the leviathan beast rose over me. I shrank against the wall whimpering, certain that this night would be my last.

YeahWrite #316 - When Destiny Beckons

This was written for the YeahWrite Microprose Challenge #316





When Destiny Beckons

They sat on the bench in painful silence, watching seagulls squabble over discarded chips. His eyes were full of anger, hers were full of adventure.

Each knew what was to come.

“I won’t do it for you,” he spat at her.

“Fine,” she eventually sighed, “I’m going back, without you.”

On writing

Intentionally or not, Mr M has lit a tiny fire under me.

It's up to me to keep the flames burning, but the spark is there.

So here I am. Again.

I need to be getting words down. Currently I have thoughts and ideas in my head but I don't put them down. They stay stuck in the void.

Mr M says I'm not a writer because I don't write things down.

He says that if I was really a writer, I would have a notebook and be jotting down notes.

All. The. Time.

Well more fool him, because I DO have a damn notebook. Sure I haven't written as much as I would/could/should.... But it's there.

And I HAVE had ideas, and I HAVE made notes.

Ok, indignation spent. Anger over.

I know that he was doing the whole reverse psychology thing. And I am just pissed because it worked... Again.

I have always wanted to write, ever since I can remember.

I used to write short stories when I was in primary school - it was about the only piece of homework I would ever complete on time.

When I had friends over to stay the night, we used to write short plays to perform for my family (I was more the writer, less the actor).

A school friend and I used to write radio shows that we (and a few other friends) would perform and record. It was usually a newscast or a sportscast, and my lasting memory of this is him pretending to be John McEnroe - a la "You canNOT be serious!"

I don't know what happened to dampen the desire... I blame hormones and boys. And probably a fondness for excessive nights out.

I've just started listening to a "how to be a writer" podcast. I know, I know, I can't believe I have only just discovered podcasts either.... I'm only a few episodes in, but already I have learnt so much just from listening to the interviews with authors. The way I spend my daily commute has pretty much changed my life (I'm also doing a "learn to speak French" podcast too).

I have a book inside me. That much I know. The only thing I have to deal with is the fact that it's a non-fiction book (I just don't think I have a novel in me... As much as I wish I did).

I've told a very small handful of people what my idea is, and the feedback I have had is "yes! I would read that!" - so very positive. 

That's the book that I want to write; but in the meantime I have a small little taster book that I'm working on; just to get me into the whole "I'm a writer" malarkey.

Though I can't help but wonder if it's a cop out... Keeping me from my real goal. 

Nonetheless, I AM going to finish my little book - I have an illustrator, I have to finish it!

I have bookie contacts who can help with the whole self publishing thing... I have to finish it.

For my own sense of accomplishment,I HAVE TO finish it!

Apart from anything else, I have put it down as a 2015 goal to finish it. So fuck anyone (myself and Mr M included) who thinks that it won't be done.

I would say "watch this space", but I don't want to put too much pressure on myself.....

So watch this space!!! (haha fuck you deflated ego, you are so going to have to enjoy actually finishing something for a change!)

Gratitude Project - 20th February

It's horrible knowing that my brother and his family are finally here, and yet not being able to see them until the weekend! It's only two more days... I can make it ;)

Today I am grateful for:

1. Not taking my phone to Mr.4's swimming lesson. Being full 100% present was such a gift today. I saw all the smiles and little glances and didn't miss a single moment of him being awesome in the water.

Now to learn to be phone free more often!

2. Being offered a writing opportunity. It's nothing big, just a little snippet in a friends blog - but it is the first time I've ever been asked! Equally terrified and excited! :)

And I'll let you know if/when it's posted!

3. Shopping kid free! I just had to pop into the supermarket for a couple if things, and that was the bliss; I popped in! No car seats to be buckled in and out of. No fighting over who sat in the trolly seat. No "Mummy, can I have...".

I even managed to have a flick through some if the trashy magazines in my own sweet time. Heavenly.

How do you manage balancing life and smartphones? Or are you like me, with more of a smartphone addiction than you would like to admit?

It's been a while....

But I have some good excuses, I've had a pretty busy time of it recently...

I moved house at 32-weeks pregnant with a 2-year old in tow (not recommended!);
I've transferred said 2-year old into a new day care (which went infinitely better than I could ever have hoped for, he's a champ!!);
and I eventually gave birth (2-weeks overdue!) to another little boy, who didn't make it the process easy for me (but that's a whole 'nother post)....
Oh and in about 2 months time, we're moving once again!


I think the twitter hash tag for such a paragraph would be #firstworldproblems

And finally I am able to sit quietly at my computer, with my Little Monster in safely in daycare and my 6-week old Newbie fast asleep.
And finally I feel like I might have found some room in my little world and under used brain to let my creative juices flow again!

So watch this space.... I might not be blogging daily, but I will be blogging again! It might not be the best thing that you will have ever read, but it will be me - the whole sleep-deprived-cracking-very-unfunny-"dad jokes"-and-lucky-to-shower-3-times-a-week me.

Thank goodness you can't smell on the interweb!

Gratitude

A while ago, I was pretty down in the dumps.

It's not the first time I've been there. But thanks to counselling and a gaining a Certificate III in Holistic Counselling, I know my mental-self pretty well now and I can read the signs that all is not well in "Melissa's Brain"

So I let one of my Besties know that I was not in a good head space, had a vent, and then booked myself in for some counselling

My beautiful friend took on board everything I had said, and because she was about to go on an overseas adventure, she sent me a care package. (Yes, she is that awesome!)

In that care package was a Gratitude book from kikki.K, one of my all-time favourite shops.

It took me a little while to get around to writing in it. But two months ago, I decided to make a start; I decided to start looking at life with a more positive attitude.

Now every night, before I go to sleep, I reflect back on the day and write down three things that I am grateful for.

I am ALWAYS grateful for my Little Monster, and the smile he brings to my heart. The same can also be said for Husband.
(Although they are also both very capable of making me want to pull my hair out!)

Most days I know exactly what I am grateful for, and I can fill up the page within minutes of putting pen to paper.

But it's not always so easy. Sometimes and I get the first two, and then I have to turn to Husband and ask him what he thinks I should be grateful for.

Other times I can sit there for a good 20 minutes before I have written a word.

It is those times where I struggle, that I think I gain the most benefit from the book. Because those are the days where I have to really reflect.

I have to look back at my day, and if nothing big jumps out at me, I have to look back at the smaller things in my day.

Last week I posted about having a pretty lousy day. That night as I lay in bed, book on lap and pen in mouth, I could not think of a single thing to write.

I decided that for that day, I was grateful for:

• Getting a seat on the bus into work
• Eating my lunch in the sunshine
• Having a glass of wine with dinner

Hardly mind blowingly insightful or deep. But momentous in that I was able to find three things to be
grateful for on a very shitty day.

Gratitude is a skill that I am slowly learning, and one that I am pleased to have. Because now I can see the more positive things in my life, and no matter how big or small I know that I will always have something to be grateful for.

How do you find the positives in your day?

{images from here, here and here}

A blank page can be a daunting thing

I have been slack.

There has been no post since Friday, and for that I offer my apologies, dear followers.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a writer. I have always thought that I have a novel inside me that just needs a little help to come out.

That was one of my secret reasons to start this blog - so I could write, I could find my voice, I could find my novel, and I could *ahem* be "published".

When I started writing my first post, I had a kazillion ideas floating around my head. So I stuck them in draft. A few I have used, a few were deleted, and a few are waiting for later.

And now here I am, a blank canvas in front of me... and I can find no words. Which is unfortunate. I mean what's the point of having a blog if you have no words!?

This must be what Writer's Block feels like.

Boy does it suck.

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