Quote of the Day - 17 October 2018

Don't go through life, grow through life ~ Eric Butterworth

Welp, following on from yesterday, this is another apt quote for me.

I recently started a career planning course at work, and as part of the process met I with another participant today to go through some of the homework together - a great way to keep myself accountable, and actually do the work.

After quick introductions, we were soon talking about our roles, the things that drive us, and why we were doing the course. During the course of our conversation, she noted that whilst the changes were unpleasant, they were an opportunity for growth... and could also lead me towards something that I never knew I could do.

So I don't just have to "go" with the new working life that has been presented to me. I can grow through it; learn new skills, become more employable and even potentially find something that makes my work soul sing.

So thanks to a new connection I made today,  I've decided that I'm going to dive in and make the most of what has been put in front of me - wish me luck!

Did this quote resonate with you today? 

Or do you have another quote that you would like to share?

What sadness can bring

Mr M lost a very close friend a week ago. It was an unexpected and tragic death, and he leaves behind his wife and toddler, and a small community of family and friends struggling to comprehend what's happened.

Death and grief are two of my all-time least favourite subjects (and I don't think I'm alone in this). I have a tendency to run away from death and grief in the hopes that they will never touch my life; I know, I know, dumb and impossible.

But, Mr M has been utterly devastated by this loss and I am proud to say that even with my aversion, I have fully stepped up to help him through this sad and painful time.

I NEVER confront death. If the thought of it enters my head, my brain scrunches its eyes shut tight, holds its hands up to its ears and sings "LAH LAH LAH, I CAN'T HEAR YOU" ever so loudly. But this time, I told my brain to stop. I'm not wallowing in my emotions, but I am sitting with them; welcoming them into my heart, acknowledging them and allowing them the time to be processed appropriately. I respect this man too much to ignore my hubands (and my own!) feelings on the sadness of his passing.

(Huh. It seems that I may have grown up somewhat... well, that and a few years of therapy!)

With this newfound sense of acceptance, I have also broken through my fear of visiting with our friend's wife. I was terrified that I would do something wrong, or say something stupid and thoughtless in my awkward uncomfortableness with the enormity of the situation. But in the face of her all-consuming grief, a grief that I cannot even begin to fathom (thanks to my never entertaining the thought of such a loss), I stared down my fear and reached out to her with an gigantic hug and a heart full of love. And from her reaction, I did good.
Side-note: I'm a great hugger, it's kind of my signature move.

~*~*~*~*~

As usually happens in the aftermath of a tragedy, the truly important things in your life tend to pop out in stark contrast to the mundane and ordinary things; the things that seem to consume all your time and energy but aren't really as important as they pretend to be.

Through the (far too) few times we have spent time together, and stories from Mr M, I know that his friend was funny, insightful, spiritual (though not religious), a very devoted husband and father, generous - he was a giver (of time, energy, and things when required), a super talented cinematographer, a writer, a refugee, a pain in the ass sometimes (aren't we all!), a dream chaser, a lover of animals, open-minded (and even when he was being a judgmental jerk, he was still open to the alternative view), an amazing friend to Mr M (with a fantastically eclectic bunch of friends), and a real go-getter; if he said he was going to do something, he went and did it. No exceptions. And everything that he did, he approached with an open heart ready to accept the adventure ahead.

Because of his friendship with Mr M, and with his passing, this man has become an inspiration to me. His heartbreakingly early death has reminded me that life is waaaaay to short to be fucking around with things that make me feel "meh" or make me unhappy. He was prolific with the work that he created, writing a feature film about his family's life and their ordeal to seek asylum in Australia in the 70s, whilst at the same time working on a documentary about an orchestra from his home country, and filming artistic adverts for international fashion houses.

He was living every single, day doing what he was passionate about and enjoying every moment. Yes there were bad times for him, and unpleasant interactions that impacted on him. But they never stopped him from pursuing what he wanted.

A few days after his death, I wrote a list: "Things that need to happen". Some of the things on the list are chores that I should have done ages ago (contact a financial advisor); some are things that are super important to do ASAFP, especially now that I know that any moment could be my last (write a will! This also falls under the should have done ages ago section); and some are things that I have been meaning to put effort into, but just never find (make!) the time to do.... such as writing and finding a side hustle.

To honour the life of this talented mo-fo, I have decided to live my life more fully. Concentrate on the things and people that fill my heart with love and joy. Dedicate some time each day to writing, and to find the joy in learning the craft. And together, Mr M and I have decided to live the life that we want to live; to pursue a lifestyle that results in our family's happiness.

Hold your loved ones close, and connect with those who mean the most to you, tell them WHY they mean so much to you. Try not to take anyone for granted, for who knows when they won't be there anymore.

Big love.

Gratitude Project 3 - 16 April 2015

It starts off with a long weekend away without writing.

Then it becomes a bit longer and hella embarrassing - I've put it out there that is want to start something to connect with people and yet I'm not taking part??

Finally it is 14 days later and has become something that I avoid, and the feeling of shame and embarrassment has grown to such huge proportions that I can't even face thinking about where to start....

But of course, the best thing to do is to just DO it, write something, ANYTHING.

So here are some of the things I have been grateful for during the last two weeks:

Having an abridged conversation about mental health with Mac; he heard me talking to my counsellor to cancel my appointment (I was home sick) and asked me who "Emily" was. I told him that she is someone that I talk to when all the thoughts in my head become too much for me, that talking to her helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings so I can be a happier mummy to him and Warrie. Not sure if he fully comprehended it all, but I've opened the door to him understand in that sometimes might need to talk to someone to help clear your head - and that it is ok if you do need help.

Whilst I was home sick Mr M and I were hanging out a load of washing when we heard a splash in the next door neighbours pool and their dogs barking like crazy. Thinking that one of the dogs had fallen in and couldn't get out, Mr M vaulted over the fence and ran to the pool. There was a dog in there, but it was trying to get hold of the rabbit, that belongs to our neighbours on the other side, who had made his way into their garden and fell in the pool trying to get away from the dogs. My heroic hubby saved the rabbit and introduced himself to the Pool Neighbour, who was understandably horrified to find a 6'3" man wandering in his garden! But once explanations were made they were soon chatting like old friends.

My Family. I spent two weekends with my folks in the Southern Highlands, the second weekend was for my stepdad's birthday and all the family came too. Spending time with my family really fills my heart with happiness and joy, and it was an absolute delight to share a mild sunny autumn day celebrating the birthday of the family patriarch.

My darling boys, Mac and Warrie. They are such snuggly and cuddly boys, and as the nights are becoming cooler the cuddles are becoming longer... I try to make the most of these cuddles as they are both growing up waaaay too fast, and I want to hold on to these precious moments for as long as I can.

Mr M. He's such an inspiration! About a month ago, Mr M took the bold and brave step of quitting his job to become a freelance photographer. As I watch him pouring in time and thought and effort into his new adventure I see his passion grow, and the joy he gets from being creative is delightful. He is even encouraging my budding photography interest and allows me to actually *gasp* use his amazeballs camera! One of the biggest compliments he has paid me was when he recently told his Dad that he thought I had a great eye for composition and what makes a good photo, needless to say I was thrilled.

I'm sorry for having been so slack the last couple of weeks, I promise to be better about keeping up with this project.

What's been happening with you? What has made you feel grateful these last two weeks?

It's time for a change

Have you ever woken up one morning, and just KNOWN that something has fundamentally shifted within you?

{Image from here}

I've had it once before (that I've been aware of), when I realised that it was time to end my previous relationship.

But usually I have a minor shift; nothing that I really take notice of, more of a general “hmm, I think I might need something to change, but I’m pretty ok with what’s going on so I’ll keep it in mind but I’ll leave it for a while”

After one of these shifts, I will often give a half-hearted attempt to look for something that has the potential to soothe my soul. But I never follow through with anything, and so have never found what it is that I need. Oh man, I am so not good to myself!

A couple of months ago I had another minor shift, and so I have been in the perfunctory throes of trying to find what it was that could ease my appetite for… well, I don’t know what actually. I just know that I have been searching for something.

Then weekend before last, I went into the study to clean up a pile of books that Warrie had thoughtfully pulled off the bookshelves. The first book on the top of the pile was a book that I had bought years ago, but never got around to reading – “I could do anything. If only I knew what it was” by Barbara Sher.

I picked the book up and put it on my bedside table.

A few days later I flicked through the book, and it randomly opened at a page. The following extract jumped off of the page and hit me like a tonne of bricks.

“… people who fear failure have got it wrong. They really fear success. If you truly feared failure, you’d be very successful. People who fear anything stay as far away from it as possible.”

Wow. Powerful stuff, right?

I had to re-read it a few times to make sure that I had understood what I was seeing. And every time I read it, it was like an alarm going off in my head.

I have spent so many, many years telling myself that I wasn't doing things because I was scared of failing at them. In fact, Mr M and I had a bit of a row about it just last month – I had told him I wasn't writing because I was scared of not being good enough at it, and his response was to tell me that I was talking a crock of shit; that I was making excuses. Needless to say, I didn't talk to him for the rest of the evening.

“If you truly feared failure, you’d be very successful.”

{Image from here}

Then I saw that line, and suddenly I got it. Mr M was right, I WAS talking shit. And I have been making excuses for myself for YEARS – hiding behind my so called “fear of failure” to justify to myself why I hadn't taken chances.

The crazy thing is, when I HAVE taken chances things have worked! The biggest (and best) example of this was breaking off my engagement and leaving my life in the UK to take a chance on a new relationship in Australia.

I risked everything to be with someone I thought could be “The One”, and I ended up married to the love of my life and with two gorgeous boys to boot. Pretty sure that counts as successfully conquering my fears!

A few weeks ago, I had a situation at work that has shaken me to my core; my professional and personal confidence has been shattered, and I have been left confused, scared and very unsure.

{Image from here}

Since then, I have spent a LOT of time thinking about the situation. An unhealthy amount of time, actually.

I have been trying to shift my mindset from one of fretting about and worrying at the problem, to a much healthier one of not worrying about what has already has happened, letting go, and dealing with things as they arise.

No mean feat for a girl who has been a life-long worrier!

But I think I have been successful. Now, nearly three weeks on, I see this “situation” at work as a catalyst of sorts.

I believe that things happen for a reason. And as distressing and exhausting as it is; I know that this has happened so that I can grow from it.

Maybe the Universe was sick and tired of me not following through with the minor shifts I had been feeling, and this was the only way it could get my attention.

Maybe it’s just my turn to have something a little unpleasant happen to me (and let’s face it, if this is the worst that I ever have to deal with then I am a very lucky girl!)

Whatever the reason, there has been a fundamental shift within my psyche that is too big to ignore. I can no longer stay stagnant; I have to move, I have to push my boundaries.

I have to be brave and find what it is that truly makes my heart and soul sing.

{Image from here}

What makes your heart and soul sing? Have you ever experienced a shift of your be-ing? I’d love to hear about your journey!

Gratitude Project - 11th - 15th April

Woah! Got a bit of catching up to do!

On Saturday, we moved the boys into Mac's old bedroom and chucked out a pile of crappy plastic broken toys, which for some unknown reason I had been holding on to. Oh man that felt good! There's still more to get rid of (to donate), but that's a job best done without children around!

On Sunday we went to my beautiful best friends housewarming party. She is amazing; not only are they in the process of renovating, but she managed to cook snacks and make delicious finger foods for 50 odd people!! I wish I had taken photos, but I was too busy stuffing my face :)

That afternoon, I went to my step-sister's place to celebrate my step-dad's birthday. She had made a Donna Hay banana cake with caramel sauce. OMFG.  I don't think I can ever exercise that cake off, but it was so SO totally worth it!

Yesterday I had to have the day off work, waiting for a tradie to come around. As he was due in the afternoon ("Sometime between 1 and 5pm"), I decided to spoil myself in the morning. I got my nails done, my eyebrows threaded and tinted and I had a hair cut! I left the shopping mall feeling like a million bucks :)

And after the tradie had been and gone, I had the ultimate experience: food shopping. With. NO. Children!! Only a parent can understand the way that feels :)

Today was back to normal, but it was all good - it's only a three day week, and same next week too!! Yay for public holidays!

There have been so many things to be grateful for over the last few days. But I'll share just this one:

There was a moment on Saturday, whilst Mr M and I were moving the cot (Warrie was trying to help, and was wedged between the wall and the side if the cot - it was freaking hilarious!), and I suddenly realised that I was happy.

Deeply DEEPLY happy.

The kind of happy that moves you to tears.

I stopped what I was doing (watching Mr M extracate Warrie from his predicament), and just immersed myself in the moment.

I let all that happiness wash over me, I let the tears prick my eyes, I let my heart be flooded with joy. And I relished in it.

So, I am grateful for that moment of happiness.

And I am grateful that I was aware of what was happening, and was able to grasp that moment with both hands and to really truly experience being happy. 

What was the highlight of your weekend?