Gratitude Project - 12th February

A very non-eventful day - yay! 

Had a chat with Mum who has been thinking about ways to combat my funk. 

One of her suggestions was to give up FaceBook... The fact that even thinking about it makes me a bit anxious is proof to me that I may have a problem. Not that that's unusual these days! We'll see, I've already reduced my time on there (I've reclaimed my weekends!) so maybe it won't be as hard as I think...

Things I'm grateful for today:

1. My Mum. For taking the time out to think of ways that I can proactively get myself back to a happy place

2. 30 solid minutes of me time after work; I was able to catch up on some overdue magazine reading!

3. Right now, as I write this, my Husband is softly snoring next to me (he'd probably just call it breathing!)... His arm is wrapped around my waist. I feel so loved and protected like this. I feel safe.

What have you done for yourself today?

Gratitude Project - 5th February

It started off as a good day and then I got a call that my Mum wasn't feeling well. Thankfully she works about a two minute walk from me, and there's a medical centre on site. It was just a dizzy spell (thank goodness!) but the doctor ordered tests just to make sure everything was ok. 

We spent three hours hanging out at the medical centre waiting for tests and sitting through tests. The whole time Mum kept checking in to make sure I didn't need to be back in the office. In the end I said, "Pretend like we had all won the lotto and work wasn't an issue. Would you want me here with you? Or would you want me to go away."

After a moments pause she quietly said, "Stay."

It was nice to be able to help my Mum for once - she's done it enough for me recently!! And she told me that having me there was a great anxiety relief for her.

I totally rocked at being a daughter today!

In other news, I told Mr. M about my current state of mind. He's going to help in whatever way he can. I'm so lucky to have him. 

So my gratitudes for today - they're all people

1. My Mum. Even though it was nothing serious, today was the first time I've ever really seen my Mum as mortal. I don't take her for granted, but you'd better believe I'm going to be making the most if all our moments together!!

2. My Husband. He listened, he acknowledged. He delved into the issue without just "pooh-poohing" my thoughts or feelings away. It felt good to tell him. 

3. My amazingly talented and delightful work bestie. She's an inspiration (she got me back into writing on here! I'll explain how in another post), she a hoot, she's supportive and she's my soul twin for sure :)

How was your Wednesday?

What are you grateful for today?

Regrets? I've had a few

*~*~* Sorry for the lack of images - I couldn't find anything that felt like it matched the words *~*~*

The other day I was talking to my mum about regrets, and how I have only one regret.

Of course there are all those "morning after" regrets; the extra shot I should never have asked for, the boy I did or didn't kiss, the one night stand that became a relationship* ...

Not to mention the shopping regrets; the jeans that I never lost weight for, that dress that was a little on the "slutty" side, the $250 shoes I only wore once...

But in the grand scheme of things, these are all very minor. And not really regrets, more living life, making mistakes and hopefully learning from them.

My one regret is that I didn't study French after my GCSE's.

Rightly or wrongly, I blame this on my teacher at the time. She used the double whammy approach of teaching with sarcasm and reverse psychology... which some people can cope with, they take on a "I'll show you" attitude and get great results.

But not me - if you tell me often enough that I'm too stupid, I'll believe you.

So all the "You'll never pass your exams" and "Don't even bother trying to do A-level French, you'll never be able to do it" comments, they hit home.
Every. Single. Time.

But I passed my exams. What's more I got an A+, thank you very much.

So I guess I did show her.

Yet I just couldn't find the belief in myself that I could be sucessful at a higher level. I had spent two years listening to this woman tell the class (me) that we were idiots and didn't have the aptitude for languages.

So despite the fact that she was obviously so very wrong, and I absolutely had the brain for languages, I pushed French to the side and tried my hand at something else - something that I well and truly failed in.
Hey, why fail at all unless you are going to do it in spectacular style?!

After talking to my Mum about this regret, she turned and looked at me and said, "Do you realise just how lucky you are?"

Ummmm, apparently not Mum.... in what way?

"You have the ability and opportunity to change that - it no longer has to be a regret for you. So many people have such big regrets that they can never change..."

I sat still for a moment to let that sink in... It didn't take long for the enormity of her words to hit me.

Not only can I fix my regret and study French again, but I have been lucky enough to have (so far!) lived my life making big decisions that I have been happy with.

And for an indesicive and procrastinating person with low self-belief.... I think that's pretty damn awesome.

Do you have any regrets? Do you have the ability to change them?

* to be fair, I didn't actually regret that one, at the time or even now. It just sounded good when I wrote it...