Love is in the air

Last weekend, my bestest best friend in the whole entire world got married.

She was stunning, the day was amazing, and I wept with breath-taking happiness when I first saw her in her wedding dress as she came down the aisle.

As is the norm with such emotionally charged events, (and probably because my second anniversary is this weekend!) I reminisced on own my wedding day.
The weather (the one day of glorious and warm autumnal sunshine, in a windy week of cold rain), the venue (a small non-denominational chapel with a stained glass window looking out over the ocean), my dress (a column dress, off the shoulder, just like the one I had seen in a perfume advert when I was 18), my love on display for all to see.

She was worried about being the centre of attention, and I totally get that; it is one of my biggest fears.
Yet on my wedding day - after months and weeks of being scared to stand up in front of 80 people - I could not wait. I wanted so badly to be walking down that aisle, to be standing next to my beloved and to be telling everyone that he was the man I wanted to share my life with.
I remember sitting in the car on the way to the chapel, mentally willing my step-dad to break all the road rules just to get me there all the quicker  :)
And when I got to the chapel and began my walk down the aisle... well there was nobody else in that room but my Husband-to-be. I didn't notice anyone until about half way through the ceremony; not even my Little Monster, who was stripped down to his nappy because he was so sick! (which I felt awful about afterwards!)

Listening to their ceremony, I couldn't help but to remember mine.
Husband and I didn't even hear what our celebrant was saying; we were to busy gazing at and whispering sweet everythings to each other. We only knew that it was our turn to speak because suddenly she was standing behind us with microphone in hand, ready to prompt us through our vows.

When my BFF and her husband kissed and were officially announced as the newly weds, I was flooded with the same feelings that I had when we were finally officially Husband and Wife:
Euphoria.
A sense of shock (well, I had waited eight years!)
Utter satisfaction and completion
Thankfulness - it was finally over and the party could begin!! :)

As I sat in the autumn sunlight last weekend, watching my most cherished friend experience her most amazing day yet, I felt somewhat forlorn that my big day was done and dusted.

So I glanced up at Husband, smiled shyly and held his hand. And I asked him if we could do it all again, if we could stand up in front of all our family and friends and reconfirm to the world that he was mine, and I was his.

He smiled back at me and said, "Maybe in 8 years time...."

What are your memories of your Best Day Ever? Would you like to relive that day?

Dear Universe - I want a new home!

We are looking for a new home to accommodate our growing brood (long story, will bore you with it in another blog!)

We thought we had found it - scrap that, we HAD found it, but so had 10 other interested parties and for the first time in my rental life, I didn't get the place I wanted.

Obviously it wasn't meant to be.... though I still dream about the house, and how my life would be in it....

So in order to find our dream home, I am throwing my heart open to the Universe and asking for a little help (hmmmm, and not dissimilar to the letter that conjoured up Mary Poppins... Imagine this letter is being sung to a jaunty showtune!)

Dear Universe

I don't often ask for help, and the few times that I have you have listened and provided.

Husband and I need and want a new home. We don't want our children to be apartment children. We don't want to always be worrying about the noise levels, and how it affects our neighbours.

 Please, please, please help us find our dream home.

It must have:

• 3-bedrooms (although 2 large bedrooms and a sunroom would be equally acceptable)
• A separate living/dining area (although a large combined living space would do just as well)
• A garden for my Little Monster and #2 to safely run crazy in, with a shady tree to have picnics under (must be low maintenance - I need to be eased into the whole "gardening" thing....)
• A shower and a bath (combined is fine with me - I just need a tub I can soak and relax in!)
• A lock up garage (or at the very least off street parking)
• A decent sized kitchen (eat-in is fine especially if the living space is combined.... and I'll go out on a limb here and ask for a dishwasher - hope that's not being too greedy!)
• Be secure, so that Husband won't worry about us when he is at work
• Accept a cat

Most importantly, it must be within our price range and have a landlord who doesn't put the rent up every six months; if s/he can wait til I go back to work before putting the rent up, that would be good... If they didn't put the rent up for a couple of years, that would be awesome!

Thank you for listening Universe. I patiently wait your response...... although I do need to be moved/settled by the end of April!

Well, I've asked. Now to keep looking and hope that the Universe is listening.... Watch this space!


{image from here}

When pride gets in the way

This time tomorrow, one of my very dearest friends will be going into hospital ready to meet her second child. Such exciting times!!

What makes this all the more exciting for me (apart from the fact that it makes my own pregnancy much more real!), is that I missed out on her first pregnancy.

This time around, I have seen her blossom and grow every week of the pregnancy.

You see, due to a lack of communication, on both parts, we had a falling out just after my Little Monster was born.

It broke my heart not to have her in his life, and I spent many agonising hours, sometimes in floods of tears, sometimes just so angry, wondering what the hell had happened and how to fix it.

And yet I did nothing.

My spiteful pride stopped me from picking up the phone and starting a conversation.
My foolish pride stopped me from letting my beautiful Little Monster be loved on by another.

Then I heard that she was pregnant - something I knew that she had always wanted - and I reached out with a text message.
But once again, my idiotic pride stepped in and I failed to register that her reply was her way of reaching back to me.

Another lonely and sad five months passed. Don't get me wrong, I was busy and surrounded by friends and family whom I adore; but there was a gap in my heart where she should have been, and it was a constant ache.

We reconciled just before my Little Monster's first birthday - just weeks away from her own birth experience.
It was through Facebook... She made a comment on my status update, and it made me smile. I sent her a message telling her how much I missed her, and she replied with a similar sentiments.

So I called her, and we spent the next few minutes crying down the phone to each other; agreeing that whatever had happened between us had been a stupid waste of time - we had lost precious moments with each other during the most momentous times of our lives, and we both deeply regretted it.

And just like that, we were back in each others lives.
Talking daily, and making each other laugh. It was like we had picked up from where we left off.
A few weeks later, I was one of the first people to visit her when her son was born and I wept as I held him. Tears of happiness at our re-discovered friendship, of pride in my friend having delivered such a beautiful little boy and of hope for what the future held for our sons, and for our friendship.

I wasted almost 12-months mourning a friendship that I thought was lost, without really fighting for it.

But we both had reached out and were full of forgiveness, and we accepted the other's apology without a question.

My learning curve as a Mother helped me to see what was truly important, to move past the slights (real or imagined) and to mend a friendship that deep down I knew I wanted to keep.

Tomorrow my dear dear friend will be meeting her second baby.

And I will be patiently waiting at the hospital door for them to let me in to see her and the new addition to her family, and to weep in happiness at all the marvels life has to offer.


Have you ever unwittingly lost a friendship? Did you find it again?