What sadness can bring

Mr M lost a very close friend a week ago. It was an unexpected and tragic death, and he leaves behind his wife and toddler, and a small community of family and friends struggling to comprehend what's happened.

Death and grief are two of my all-time least favourite subjects (and I don't think I'm alone in this). I have a tendency to run away from death and grief in the hopes that they will never touch my life; I know, I know, dumb and impossible.

But, Mr M has been utterly devastated by this loss and I am proud to say that even with my aversion, I have fully stepped up to help him through this sad and painful time.

I NEVER confront death. If the thought of it enters my head, my brain scrunches its eyes shut tight, holds its hands up to its ears and sings "LAH LAH LAH, I CAN'T HEAR YOU" ever so loudly. But this time, I told my brain to stop. I'm not wallowing in my emotions, but I am sitting with them; welcoming them into my heart, acknowledging them and allowing them the time to be processed appropriately. I respect this man too much to ignore my hubands (and my own!) feelings on the sadness of his passing.

(Huh. It seems that I may have grown up somewhat... well, that and a few years of therapy!)

With this newfound sense of acceptance, I have also broken through my fear of visiting with our friend's wife. I was terrified that I would do something wrong, or say something stupid and thoughtless in my awkward uncomfortableness with the enormity of the situation. But in the face of her all-consuming grief, a grief that I cannot even begin to fathom (thanks to my never entertaining the thought of such a loss), I stared down my fear and reached out to her with an gigantic hug and a heart full of love. And from her reaction, I did good.
Side-note: I'm a great hugger, it's kind of my signature move.

~*~*~*~*~

As usually happens in the aftermath of a tragedy, the truly important things in your life tend to pop out in stark contrast to the mundane and ordinary things; the things that seem to consume all your time and energy but aren't really as important as they pretend to be.

Through the (far too) few times we have spent time together, and stories from Mr M, I know that his friend was funny, insightful, spiritual (though not religious), a very devoted husband and father, generous - he was a giver (of time, energy, and things when required), a super talented cinematographer, a writer, a refugee, a pain in the ass sometimes (aren't we all!), a dream chaser, a lover of animals, open-minded (and even when he was being a judgmental jerk, he was still open to the alternative view), an amazing friend to Mr M (with a fantastically eclectic bunch of friends), and a real go-getter; if he said he was going to do something, he went and did it. No exceptions. And everything that he did, he approached with an open heart ready to accept the adventure ahead.

Because of his friendship with Mr M, and with his passing, this man has become an inspiration to me. His heartbreakingly early death has reminded me that life is waaaaay to short to be fucking around with things that make me feel "meh" or make me unhappy. He was prolific with the work that he created, writing a feature film about his family's life and their ordeal to seek asylum in Australia in the 70s, whilst at the same time working on a documentary about an orchestra from his home country, and filming artistic adverts for international fashion houses.

He was living every single, day doing what he was passionate about and enjoying every moment. Yes there were bad times for him, and unpleasant interactions that impacted on him. But they never stopped him from pursuing what he wanted.

A few days after his death, I wrote a list: "Things that need to happen". Some of the things on the list are chores that I should have done ages ago (contact a financial advisor); some are things that are super important to do ASAFP, especially now that I know that any moment could be my last (write a will! This also falls under the should have done ages ago section); and some are things that I have been meaning to put effort into, but just never find (make!) the time to do.... such as writing and finding a side hustle.

To honour the life of this talented mo-fo, I have decided to live my life more fully. Concentrate on the things and people that fill my heart with love and joy. Dedicate some time each day to writing, and to find the joy in learning the craft. And together, Mr M and I have decided to live the life that we want to live; to pursue a lifestyle that results in our family's happiness.

Hold your loved ones close, and connect with those who mean the most to you, tell them WHY they mean so much to you. Try not to take anyone for granted, for who knows when they won't be there anymore.

Big love.

Gratitude Project - 5th November

It's been a gloriously sunny (if windy!) day; which meant I powered through three loads of washing - a gratitude in itself!!

We've had a great mix of a lazy and productive day: t-ball with the kids, a delicious hour or so of reading in blissful peace and then an afternoon of playing in the backyard and cleaning the house.

All in all, it's been an awesome Saturday!

Things I'm grateful for today:

1. Having found such a lovely baseball club for my boys to be a part of. Their coach is a young guy with no kids, and he is so awesome with them all! And Mac and Warrie both adore him and talk about Coach Tim all the time. There's no pressure for them to perform, its all about learning the game and having fun - for all us newbie parents as well as the kids!

2. Being able to read my book with a cuppa and some toast in peace. After t-ball, the boys were vegged out in front of the telly with Mr M (who snoozed) and I retired to my bedroom with my book and read and read and read! The tea and toast was a delightful bonus!

3. Unexpected dinner with my in-laws. I have always loved Mr M's family like my own, and I feel very lucky to have a great relationship with his parents. Good company + yummy food + a couple of glasses of wine = a wonderful evening (especially as there was no cleaning up for me to do afterwards!)

I hope you've all had a great start to the weekend! Was there a stand out moment for you today?

Gratitude Project- 1st November

October was Mental Health month in Australia. My workplace offered a number of workshops/events during the month; I signed up for the four-week Mindfullness Meditation.

I got a lot out of it; I love meditating, but just never have the time.... scratch that: I don't make the time for it. Which is pretty silly, given how much I enjoy it!

At the end of the last session, we were taking about gratitude and the documented benefits it has in ones life when practised daily. I should know, it's worked for me too.

So in an effort to reclaim some long term happiness benefits, I've decided to start the Gratitude Project again:

1. I'm grateful for the ability to move my body, and to enjoy a gym class... even (especially??!) if I know I'll be sore tomorrow. 

2. I'm grateful for technology, so I can see pictures of my Mum enjoying her holiday with my brother and his family.

3. I'm grateful for giggling kisses with Mac and Warrie at bedtime - I hope they never grow out of it! (or at least take their time, before deciding that it/I'm uncool!)

I hope you'll join me in my quest for making my own happyness (obvs you'll be making your own, not necessarily adding to mine! Altho' I won't lie: I'd be stoked if you did join in!). Let me know in the comments something that you've been grateful for today

xx

Gratitude Project - 17 April 2015 - including Friday Feels!

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Family, family, family! Both sets of grandparents have been freaking amazeballs about helping out with Mac (& sometimes Warrie) during our first ever school holidays. I have no words to express my thanks, but I think (hope!) they know

2. A glass (or three!) of wine tonight. I know the standing joke is "I'm a mother, I don't get weekends", but I still enjoy my Friday night wind downs... Sure it's not the clubbing and boozy nights of my 20's, but they work for me. And I can still wake up and cope with the kids - well, most Saturday's!

3. Tight finances. I know that sounds funny, but having some slight financial worries for the last few weeks has really made me better able to focus on what is vital to our family. I'm proud to say that I've managed to cut our weekly food shop by nearly $100!! 

Onto my Friday Feels

Seeing:
I have had a couple of opportunities this week to indulge in a guilty pleasure of watching some trashy TV... Don't judge, but I love "Once Upon a Time"!

Hearing:
When I was with my brother last month (was it really last month!?!) he reminded me of how much we used to listen to Paul Simon's Graceland album as kids. I've now got in on my trusty Spotify account, and have been listening to it pretty much on repeat for the whole week. I've subjected Mac and Warrie to it too, and I think they enjoy it

Here's one of my all time favourite music videos - I loved Chevy Chase as a little girl, and this video had one of my favourite songs with one of my favourite actors; pretty sure this was my idea of perfection way back when. I hope you enjoy!

{youtube clip}

Taste:
Last weekend, I came home from my parents place with a large bag of frozen meats, included some huge and delicious spicey sausages. I made my weekly favourite of toad in the hole, and devoured a very healthy portion. So much yum!

Smell:
I have a slight obsession with food, and my next door neighbour (the Pool Neighbour) has a wonderful habit of frying off onions and garlic first time in the morning - I think she might be a home catering company, I've just not had the guts to find out... Yet! 

Touch:
We are cat-sitting a gorgeous little Burmese-esque cat; the boys are utterly entranced by her, I just love having the extra estrogen in the house! It's been a long 6-weeks, but she is finally settled (apart from her intense dislike of our big cat!), and has started sleeping on the bed with me. And as the mornings are getting cooler, I am really enjoying the soft furry cuddles that she gives.

What's your guilty viewing pleasure? What about your favourite music video? I'd love to know, so I can look them up!

Gratitude Project 3 - 16 April 2015

It starts off with a long weekend away without writing.

Then it becomes a bit longer and hella embarrassing - I've put it out there that is want to start something to connect with people and yet I'm not taking part??

Finally it is 14 days later and has become something that I avoid, and the feeling of shame and embarrassment has grown to such huge proportions that I can't even face thinking about where to start....

But of course, the best thing to do is to just DO it, write something, ANYTHING.

So here are some of the things I have been grateful for during the last two weeks:

Having an abridged conversation about mental health with Mac; he heard me talking to my counsellor to cancel my appointment (I was home sick) and asked me who "Emily" was. I told him that she is someone that I talk to when all the thoughts in my head become too much for me, that talking to her helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings so I can be a happier mummy to him and Warrie. Not sure if he fully comprehended it all, but I've opened the door to him understand in that sometimes might need to talk to someone to help clear your head - and that it is ok if you do need help.

Whilst I was home sick Mr M and I were hanging out a load of washing when we heard a splash in the next door neighbours pool and their dogs barking like crazy. Thinking that one of the dogs had fallen in and couldn't get out, Mr M vaulted over the fence and ran to the pool. There was a dog in there, but it was trying to get hold of the rabbit, that belongs to our neighbours on the other side, who had made his way into their garden and fell in the pool trying to get away from the dogs. My heroic hubby saved the rabbit and introduced himself to the Pool Neighbour, who was understandably horrified to find a 6'3" man wandering in his garden! But once explanations were made they were soon chatting like old friends.

My Family. I spent two weekends with my folks in the Southern Highlands, the second weekend was for my stepdad's birthday and all the family came too. Spending time with my family really fills my heart with happiness and joy, and it was an absolute delight to share a mild sunny autumn day celebrating the birthday of the family patriarch.

My darling boys, Mac and Warrie. They are such snuggly and cuddly boys, and as the nights are becoming cooler the cuddles are becoming longer... I try to make the most of these cuddles as they are both growing up waaaay too fast, and I want to hold on to these precious moments for as long as I can.

Mr M. He's such an inspiration! About a month ago, Mr M took the bold and brave step of quitting his job to become a freelance photographer. As I watch him pouring in time and thought and effort into his new adventure I see his passion grow, and the joy he gets from being creative is delightful. He is even encouraging my budding photography interest and allows me to actually *gasp* use his amazeballs camera! One of the biggest compliments he has paid me was when he recently told his Dad that he thought I had a great eye for composition and what makes a good photo, needless to say I was thrilled.

I'm sorry for having been so slack the last couple of weeks, I promise to be better about keeping up with this project.

What's been happening with you? What has made you feel grateful these last two weeks?

What I'm doing now

I'm in KL for a long weekend to visit my Dad, who lives here, and my brother, who has flown in from the UK.

The view from the balcony looks like this:

It's 7.15am, the rest of the household is asleep. It's a muggy 26c with a ridiculously high humidity of 94% (!) and a very slight breeze that is just enough to ruffle the leave on the pot plants.

I am surrounded by the noise of tropical birds, the hum of the air conditioning units in the buildings around me and roaring traffic. And there's a certain smell to this place that I can't describe - although I'm sure I just got a whiff of maple syrup...

All of these things are so comforting and safe. They make me feel at home, and I put this down to having spent a chunk of my childhood growing up in Singapore.

Not only am I getting to see my brother for the first time in 14-months, but we are both on this jaunt spouse and child free!! Yep, I am having five whole nights away from my babies for the first time. It is equal parts wonderful and heart breaking... And I am relishing every moment.

I am so SO lucky to be here, and to be able to spend quality time with my men folk. There are no half held conversations as one or the other of us break up an argument over a toy, or deal with tears, or change a nappy, or answer the same question for the zillionth time.

It is bliss.

Because our time together is so short, we are taking things easy; there are no day trips planned, no excursions to nearby sights. We relax in the apartment (there may have been a couple of naps had yesterday), we wander down to the pool and chat about anything and everything as we laze in the chlorine. We plan our lunches over breakfast and our dinners over lunch - I love it when my day revolves around food! We sit in the easy silence of those who don't need to say a word about how happy we are to just simply BE with each other.

I miss my Boys desperately - I can't wait to see Mac and find out what happened at school; for Warrie to tell me all about how fast bullet trains can go and can he see a country train and did I know the noise that steam trains make; I can't wait to sleep next to Mr M - but I am so happy to be away from them.

And that is the joyful contradiction of being a parent.

But I needed this trip, this time away to be me without all the trappings of parenthood. I've had a pretty stressful six months or so, and I just needed to be free of all of it for a few days. I needed to be able to relax and be on my own timetable.

I don't know when I will have such a long break from the kids again, probably not for a good few years. So I don't feel guilty about this selfish indulgence (well I do, but I know that I shouldn't, so I try not to. It's a work in progress).

I am enjoying the moments that I have with the two men who have helped shape me. I am enjoying the late nights and the sleep ins. I am enjoying the time I have to reconnect with myself in the safety of two of the people I trust the most.

I know that when I get home I will fall back into the normal stresses of my life as a working mother, but hopefully I will do it bit better now I have had a chance to recharge my batteries.

What was your last selfish adventure? I'd love to hear about it, let me know in the comments below!

Friday Feels - 11 July

{Image from here}

This week, I've been thinking about memories a lot... I watched the intro to "Midnight in Paris" and the yearning I had to go to Paris was almost a physical hurt. I was asking Mr M about his memories of Paris, and if we should include it on our Big Trip, when I suddenly remembered - Duh! I've actually BEEN to Paris....

I was ashamed for a moment that I had forgotten about that trip, and over the last few days, I've been trying to recall the memories of the trip. I mean, it's PARIS for goodness sake, and it was my first weekend away with a boyfriend. Yeah, I was there about 20 years ago, but surely I should have some sort of lasting memory of it?

But things get muddled, and I'm not sure if some of my memories of Paris are from that weekend away, or the school trip I took to EuroDisney, when we spent a day in Paris on the way home.... let alone the effect that Hollywood will have had on my memories.

So I've decided to try to recall some memories of the bigger trips I've taken and the amazing places I've seen in my life. I've had a pretty interesting life (well, I like to think so!), so I hope you don't mind me sharing them with you  :)

Ok, moving on to my Friday feels:

Hearing: I have rediscovered deep house music, and I've been listening to it every day in the office in an attempt to focus on work and stop the distractions.
My other Spotify favourite is their #ThrowbackThursday playlist....  this Oasis song came on today and pretty much picked me up and threw me right back into the 90's




Seeing: Yesterday, Mr M and I went on my first ever bush walk. It was a relatively easy trail, that headed towards Red Hands Cave. The sun was shining, the air was crisp and I was spending the morning walking with my beloved - as an antidote to the way my week had been shaping up, nothing could have been better.

{Image from here}

Tasting: Well, this one is a bit of a throwback to a few weekends ago. I had seen a write up for a local gyro place, where the queue is our of the door. The gyros are out of this world!

Smelling: Mr M was away for a week for work recently - I have a whole new found respect for single parents!! It wasn't until he returned and I smelled his deodorant that I realised just how much I had missed his smell

Touching: Warrie loves me to "tickle back", and will sit on my lap with a look of utter bliss on his face as I tickle his little back... its so small, for now. It's a combo of joy and sorrow as I measure the size of Mac and Warrie's backs with my hand, tickle their soft downy skin, and trace their strong straight spines. Oh gosh I love my little boys!!

Have you ever forgotten a trip or a special place that you've been to?

What's your favourite travel memory? 

Gratitude Project - 24th - 29th April

Long weekends - nothing can beat one. Except two long weekends in a row!
With the Easter weekend and then ANZAC Day following close behind, I have had a fab couple of short working weeks. And returning to work for a full five days is going to be a challenge.

Oh how quickly I adapt to being away from the office....

The best part about the double whammy long weekend, is that Mr M has been off work. It's been such a help having him at home; mornings have been easier, as have the evenings!, and we created a new bedtime routine - me reading two books to the boys, with Warrie snuggling on my lap whilst Mr M cuddles up to Mac in his bed.

The one thing that really stuck out for me this second long weekend, is how much the ANZAC day has come to mean something to me. Maybe its because I have two boys, and I can identify with the mothers that lost their sons in Gallipoli? Whatever the reason, I spent much of the Friday morning explaining (or trying to!) the importance of ANZAC day to Mac... without using the words "died" or "war", which I thought might be a little confronting for a 4.5 year old! I'm not sure how much he understood, or indeed if he was even listening to me!, but I felt like I solidified a little more in my own heart and mind as to why it is an important day for me.

When I first moved back to Australia, nearly 13 years ago, I had no real concept of ANZAC Day. I knew what it represented, and I understood the gravitas that surrounded it. But I just thought of it as a day off work and that whatever I got up to, I would be "doing it for the Diggers" - usually with a drink in my hand.

But as the years went by, and especially once I had Mac and Warrie, the value of the day shifted for me. All those men who perished in the Great War, in order that the world would be a better place, that we would have our freedom. The selflessness of those who were (are!) willing to go to war, those who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country, just blows my mind.

But I think the importance of the day really became apparent to me three years ago, when we were in Canberra kick-starting our honeymoon. We dragged Mac around the Australian War Memorial, (not sure what we were thinking, he was 18-months old!) and stayed for the Last Post ceremony. We had been reading the Roll of Honour, and I had just found my maiden name and was wondering if the names listed had been distant relatives of mine. Then the bugle started.

{image credit}

I am not ashamed to admit that I sobbed.

Standing next to the names of possible relatives, my first born son in my arms, my new husband standing protectively behind us, on a cold, crisp and beautiful Canberra afternoon. The sun was setting, the crowd of visitors in the Memorial was silent, and the haunting sound of the bugle was echoing through the air... How can you not be touched by that?

I cried for the men whose names were on the Roll of Honour.
I cried for the men and women currently serving.
I cried with thanks that I live in such an amazing country, where everyday I take for granted my freedom to live my life the way I see fit.
I cried with fear for the world that my child would inherit, and hoped that the horrors of war will never be something that he has to experience - a hope that I am sure every single parent in the world shares for their children.

Things I have been grateful for this long weekend:

1. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm forever grateful to the men and women who put their lives on the line for their country.

2. Bedtime snuggles with my boys

3. Family time - we had a lot of it, and we all thrived!


This wasn't what I thought this post was going to be about, my intent had been "light and breezy". But I guess it was something that my soul felt needed to be told.

Do you have a particular public holiday that holds importance or special meaning for you? I'd love to hear about it!

Gratitude Project - 18th-23rd April

Well, first things first - happy belated Easter!
We don't celebrate Easter in my house, but my boys are biiiig fans of the chocolate side of things!  :)

Secondly, I had an ah-MAZE-ing night out! Here's me in the top I got from The Iconic:

It was so nice to put a face to all the names that Mr M mentions everyday... the fact that he introduced me all night as his "beautiful wife" didn't hurt either :)
But the loveliest thing I heard was, after being introduced, all his colleagues said the same thing: "whenever I ask Mr M about your kids, his face just lights up"  All together now, AWWWW!

We chatted with everyone in the pub for hours, and were then ushered onto a bus and into a nightclub - the first time I have been in a nightclub in five years! I danced and danced and danced, and was horrified when all the kids were excited to hear songs that I was dancing to when they were first released 20 years ago!
It was awesome.

Mr M and I were home at a very respectable 12.50am, not in too bad a shape. And most glorious of all was the sleep-in the next day! Once again, a big YAY for grandparents!!

On the Easter Sunday, Mr M decided that he wanted to "do something" that day, so we took a road trip up through the Northern Beaches and ended up in Palm Beach. The sun was shining and the ocean sparkling, it was stunning!

{Who doesn't love the panoramic mode on the iPhone camera!}

{Personally, I think this is one of the best photos I've ever taken!}

{The last dip in the ocean for this season}

On the Monday, Mr M and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. But given that we'd had such a epic (for us) night out, we were in no hurry to have a special "date night" for the occasion; there'll be plenty more to come, I'm sure :)

Then it was back to reality and work. Mr M is currently on a production break at the moment, which is actually fab for me; an extra pair of hands to help with the morning rush, means I get an extra 30-minutes in bed in the morning! Woo hoo!

Things I have been grateful for this long weekend:

1. The fact that it was a long weekend - four days off; one awesome night out, and hanging with my boys. Heaven!

2. The weather. I hope you had as glorious a weekend as we did!

3. Fresh flannel sheets on the bed - so comfy, so dangerous; it's a real struggle to get out of bed!

4. Family. We got to see both sides of our family over the long weekend, which meant much laughter all round. I am so SO thankful for the family I have!

What did you get up to over the long weekend?

Gratitude Project - 6th April

What a wet and rainy day!

I was so glad to be spending the morning indoors with the in-laws (I love how that rolls off the tongue!) to celebrate my sister-in-laws birthday.

Mr M is one of four, and once we include spouses and children a intimate family get together is actually a feast for fourteen!!

As one of two children*, living overseas and away from extended family for much of my life - gatherings with my in-laws used to be quite intimidating and awkward. I had no idea where to sit, or who to talk to. That sounds silly to me now, but back at the beginning (nearly 12 years ago!), it was a real worry for me. Especially as I knew very early on that Mr M was a keeper, and I was so desperate for his family to like me too!! :)

These days, it's much easier. We sit around the table (wherever we damn well please!), and the conversations flow so comfortably; sometime you are part of two or three conversations!

They are my family and I love them all.

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Having such a wonderful relationship with my in-laws. I know that it doesn't always happen this way, and I am so blessed to have them as my family.

2. Having some one on one time with Mac. Sure it was at the supermarket (boring!), but we had such fun along the way. He was using a water pistol - un filled!! - to make sure that I was safe from Storm Troopers. What a thoughtful boy! :)

3. All my laundry is folded up. Some of it has been sitting in the basket for a week! Now all I have to do is put it away. Is there no end to laundry!!! When will someone invent Eco friendly disposable clothes?!

*I am lucky enough to now include a half brother, and two step-siblings both with children of their own, so my own family functions are expanding too!  :)

How many siblings do you have? Are you as bad as I am about folding your laundry??

Returning to business as usual

So it’s been a VERY busy two weeks – so much laughter, talking, eating, drinking and general hanging out with my brother and his wife and watching our children play together.  It was exhausting, elating and so SO good for my soul.

We mostly stayed at my parent’s house south of Sydney, but we did venture out to a gorgeous South Coast beach for two nights. The best thing about that (apart from two full days with just the two families), was that all the kids were so exhausted after a day at the beach or running around playgrounds that they were all in bed and asleep by 7.15. Which meant that we were all able to sit in peace and quiet with a glass of wine and watch the moon rise over the water. Bliss.

The other bonus of my two weeks off is that I had a forced break from my personal social media habit. Some of it was self imposed, but mostly it was because I had no WiFi and a rapidly dwindling data allowance!

The benefits of not being on social media for my mental health have been fantastic. I wasn't constantly posting witty statuses or pictures of my children, and then constantly checking for who had liked my posts or who had made a comment – in short, I didn't spend the whole time searching for a perceived “approval” from my friends.

I was still posting occasional pictures on Instagram, but I spent the two weeks trying my very hardest to be present in the moment.

It’s hard though. On the one hand I wanted to watch every moment that our children were interacting; watching the starts of bonds of friendship between the four boys. But on the other hand, I also wanted to take pictures of these special moments and record them for family members who couldn't be with us.

It’s a fine line, one that I think I managed to balance better than I had anticipated. Of course my obsession with Words With Friends was another issue entirely!

Every evening, as I lay in bed, I thought about the Gratitude Project post that I would have been making on my blog for the day. So even though I wasn't writing it down for all to see, I was still going through the process and appreciating everything that made up my days.

To be honest – pretty much every day ended with me being grateful for having the opportunity to spend time with my brother and his family, and to watch the four cousins interact.

The double bonus of my brother being over here, is that it’s made Mr M and I decide to set a savings goal for a trip back to the UK. I’ll be eligible for Long Service Leave in about 3 years, so we’re using that as a starting point for departure dates as it means I’ll be able to take 7 or 8 weeks.

It’s been a long time since we last traveled proper. And just quietly, the thought of having a trip to plan and a goal to meet has boosted my happiness through the roof!

When was your last big trip? Where did you go?

Gratitude Project - 1st to 3rd March

What a fab few days I've been having!! I've had a day just with my little family unit, a day with my Dad's side if the family and now a whole day with my brother and his gorgeous family.

I feel so blessed and blessed out; it's awesome!!

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Just to harp on about it; my bro. Seriously, he's awesome. His wife is awesome (and such a hoot!!). His kids are awesome. And they are all mine for the next two weeks!!

2. My extended family. We see each other two or three times a year, and it's always such fun when we get together. Rain stopped the boules comp this time, but there's always the next picnic!

3. My slow cooker. Came home from the family picnic to a house the smelt delicious. Dinner was practically ready and I had done next to nothing, bar some chopping. That's my kind of cooking! ;)

What's your favourite household gadget?

Gratitude project - 28th February

It was a long day at work - they usually are when you're trying to get everything done before you take time off. But it's done and dusted; I am now on two weeks leave, ready to spend pretty much all of it chillaxing with my bro and his family. I'm sure there's going to be a bottle or two to wash the conversations down with :)

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Getting my work done, and knowing that I don't have to worry about it for the next two weeks! Yay!

2. Tired children. They both went to sleep with little drama; such a relief!

3. Home delivery. No cooking and no cleaning. Best invention ever!

Did you have a successful day? What are your weekend plans?

Gratitude project - 22nd to 27th February

Sorry for the five days of silence - I was spending some wonderful time with my brother and his drop dead gorgeous family! And then I was back at work, trying to catch up before I have the next two weeks off to properly spend time with my bro...

I've been a bit narky the last few days. I'm not sure why, maybe it's a little "relapse"?? All I know is that poor Mr M and the kids can seem to do nothing right at the moment, and it makes me feel worse because I know that what I am perceiving as their "bad" behavior is all in my head.
I feel like I am so angry at everything and everyone on the inside, whilst at the same time having arguments with myself to clarify what it is that I can really be angry with and what it is that my brain is making up.

Meanwhile, on the outside I am trying desperately to make everyone think that I'm all ok. GAAAHHHH! It's freaking exhausting!

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~

I have five days of gratitude to catch up on. Rather than list 15 things (three for each day), I am just going to do a short blanket list to cover what I have been grateful for. Let's face it, for most of that time I was with my brother, and I am so immensely grateful for that time with him that it probably counts for at least ten of the items I am grateful for :)

So, things I am thankful for:

1. My brother. Two and a half years (almost) since I last saw him... As small as the world can seem with the magic of the internet and Skype and Facetime, nothing, not a single damn things, is as wonderful as the physical person in front of you. Being able to see the subtle body language during a conversation, to see the laughter lines around eyes, to just cuddle him because I can.
I tell you what, someone was really looking out for me when they were dishing out brothers. I got the best one.

2. My nephews. Oh. Emm. Gee. Cutest kids ever! So clever and gorgeous, and cuddly and funny. Watching my two boys playing with their cousins was a sight that filled my heart with joy. I cannot wait for two weeks of watching them :)

3. Two days away from work. Well I think you can all understand why I'd be grateful for that! (apart from prattling on again about hanging with my bro!)

4. Mr M. He's been home poorly for the last two days with a nasty cough (it makes working on a TV set very difficult!). And he hasn't done a thing around the house; which has contributed to my feelings of anger, no doubt. But he has been very good about giving me space in the evenings. He's not hassling me, he's just loving me from a distance whilst I scowl my way through the evening. And then he holds me tight in bed without saying a word.

5. Running in the rain. Normally I avoid running if it's already raining before I leave. But today, I did it. And I got soaked! But I was running with a bestie, and we were having a wonderful child free catch up whilst exercising - it was brilliant! :)

I think that'll do for now. You guys get the gist - I'm so happy to see my bro, that everything else I am thankful for is a bonus :)

What have you been up to these last few days? What has jumped out at you as something to be truly grateful for?

Gratitude Project - 20th February

It's horrible knowing that my brother and his family are finally here, and yet not being able to see them until the weekend! It's only two more days... I can make it ;)

Today I am grateful for:

1. Not taking my phone to Mr.4's swimming lesson. Being full 100% present was such a gift today. I saw all the smiles and little glances and didn't miss a single moment of him being awesome in the water.

Now to learn to be phone free more often!

2. Being offered a writing opportunity. It's nothing big, just a little snippet in a friends blog - but it is the first time I've ever been asked! Equally terrified and excited! :)

And I'll let you know if/when it's posted!

3. Shopping kid free! I just had to pop into the supermarket for a couple if things, and that was the bliss; I popped in! No car seats to be buckled in and out of. No fighting over who sat in the trolly seat. No "Mummy, can I have...".

I even managed to have a flick through some if the trashy magazines in my own sweet time. Heavenly.

How do you manage balancing life and smartphones? Or are you like me, with more of a smartphone addiction than you would like to admit?

Gratitude Project - 18th and 19th February

I write these little snippets of my day on my mobile in bed every night. Somehow baring some of my soul on the screen on a phone is less daunting that when sat at the computer - who knows the logic behind that!

Of course, this can mean that I miss a night or two because I just can't keep my eyes open a moment longer. As was the case last night. 

Today, my brother and his family flew in from the UK. We've not physically seen each other in just over two years - thank goodness for facetime, otherwise I would have forgotten what he looks like!

I surprised him by joining my mum and step-dad at the airport to meet him. I was 45-minutes late for work, but it was absolutely worth it!!

I love airports; the smell of excitement as people are getting ready to go on adventures (or is that just the jet fuel!?); the smiles on peoples faces when they see loved ones arrive; the sadness when the part ways at the departure gate... I find it such a melting pot of emotions that are infectious.

Today, whilst waiting for my bro and his family, Mum and I saw two girls scream at each other from opposite sides of the arrival gate and run towards each other (still squealing in joy) with huge grins on their faces. And then the dissolved into tears as they hugged, and looked each other over and laughed, and talked a mile a minute. Their joy was palpable, and nearly everyone in the area stopped to watch the reunion.

Mum and I couldn't help but cry along with them; they were just so happy to see each other, and that unbridled love and joy..., well like I said it's infectious.

Anyhoo. I've international visitors are here for a good three weeks, and I'm taking some time off work to hang out with them as much as possible - I can't wait!!! :)

If you've made it this far (and well done if you have, it is a bit of an essay!), here are the things I've been grateful for yesterday and today:

1. My work bestie - she can always make me laugh when I need it the most... And just because!

2. Lunch date with my step-dad. We eat junk food and talk about everything; whether it's attempting to solving each other's problems or world peace, we cover most subjects.

He's another person who's good for my soul.

3. That first moment when the boys see me at daycare when I pick them up. They both drop everything and run over for a kiss and a cuddle. It makes my heart sing.

4. My brother's safe arrival. It was the first time I've met my youngest nephew, I can't wait to spend more time with him!

5. Hubby, for taking the kids to daycare this morning so I could go to the airport. 

6. An early evening rainbow at the end of a very rainy afternoon:

Who was the last person you met at the airport? Did you cry? :)

Gratitude Project - 14 February

Valentines Day. It signifes a whole 12-months since I took my Husband's name (as a V.Day surprise for him).

I have been the new me for a year.

Except, of course, I have been the same me the all along.

I didn't want to change my name, in fact Hubby has resigned himself to the fact that I never would... Boy did I show him! ;)

And don't tell anyone, but secretly I quite like being Mrs M. It makes me feel grown up! :)

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Finishing my Firsr Aid course today. It was only a two day course, but they packed a lot in! I'm pleased to report that I passed with flying colours... But I'm in no rush to practise it; so everyone has to stay safe!!

2. My brother and his family have started their long journey from the UK to Australia. Only 5 more days until they arrive and I get to meet my second nephew for the first time!!!

3. New pillows! We finally replaced our old pillows after something ridiculous like six years! Such softness for my head, it's delightful!

How has your week been? Do you have something you're looking forward to?

Saying goodbye

Today, Husband's world lost a little ray of sunshine. His wonderful grandmother passed away, at the amazing age of 93.

It was expected, she was very ill, but it is still a very sad loss.

We last saw her on Australia Day, and spent a fantasitc couple of hours talking to her about her life. She told us that in all her years, she had no regrets... and I think that's pretty darn amazing.

Rest in Peace Gran (aka GG), mother of three, grandmother to nine and great-grandmother to seven (very soon to be nine!). You were a wonderful woman and the matriarch of such a beautiful family. You will always live in our hearts, and I know that you will be watching over us all as your family continues to grow.

Just touching base

I wasn't going to write any posts on my trip; in all honesty, I hadn't anticipated having the time to!

But this afternoon, the opportunity presented itself: my Little Monster is happily engrossed in SpongeBob, Husband is laying on the sofa with his book and the rest of my Family are hanging by the pool or playing squash.
A tropical downpour has just passed over; the sound and smell of it reminding me of my childhood years growing up in the Tropics.
All is well in my little world.

And to top it all off, we had a lovely Christmas full of the usual overdose on food and wrapping paper.

This trip has been so wonderful, as I get to spend long overdue time with my Brother and Sister-in-Law, as well as my Dad, his wonderful Wife, and my half Brother.

But the best part for me, has been watching my Little Monster playing with his Cousin. These two little boys have only met once before (at our wedding), and within hours of their second meeting they were laughing and giggling like long lost buddies, and I am pretty sure they were even conspiring to get up to lots of mischief together!!

I am desperately NOT counting the days that have already passed, the time is already going to fast... Instead I am trying my best to cherish each moment with the Family, to burn each memory on my brain so I can always refer to them when I need a pick me up

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas with your families (or just some good old fashioned time out, if Christmas isn't your bag, baby)

I shall finish this post with a little bit of a gush... feel free to reach for a sick bag!
I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family! We live spread across the globe, and yet when we are together everything just seems to slip back into place; conversations flow and the laughter is almost never-ending.
I truly am a lucky lucky girl

R U OK?

Today, in Australia, is it "R U OK? Day"

R U OK? is an organisation whose main aim is suicide prevention. Today they are encouraging everyone across the country to ask their families, friends and colleagues a very simple question; "Are you OK?"

They have a fantastic page explaining how to start a conversation with someone you are concerned about, and how to support them through the conversation.

They also have a list of numbers if you have serious concerns for someone who might be in crisis.

I have been touched by depression a few times, but only mildly.

Without the concern of my family noticing a change in my behaviour, and asking me if I was OK, I might not be the person I am today.

So, I'm asking - R U OK?

Who will you ask?

 Please, if you are concerned for someone in crisis, or need urgent support yourself, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

  

  

{images from here and here}