What I'm doing now

I'm in KL for a long weekend to visit my Dad, who lives here, and my brother, who has flown in from the UK.

The view from the balcony looks like this:

It's 7.15am, the rest of the household is asleep. It's a muggy 26c with a ridiculously high humidity of 94% (!) and a very slight breeze that is just enough to ruffle the leave on the pot plants.

I am surrounded by the noise of tropical birds, the hum of the air conditioning units in the buildings around me and roaring traffic. And there's a certain smell to this place that I can't describe - although I'm sure I just got a whiff of maple syrup...

All of these things are so comforting and safe. They make me feel at home, and I put this down to having spent a chunk of my childhood growing up in Singapore.

Not only am I getting to see my brother for the first time in 14-months, but we are both on this jaunt spouse and child free!! Yep, I am having five whole nights away from my babies for the first time. It is equal parts wonderful and heart breaking... And I am relishing every moment.

I am so SO lucky to be here, and to be able to spend quality time with my men folk. There are no half held conversations as one or the other of us break up an argument over a toy, or deal with tears, or change a nappy, or answer the same question for the zillionth time.

It is bliss.

Because our time together is so short, we are taking things easy; there are no day trips planned, no excursions to nearby sights. We relax in the apartment (there may have been a couple of naps had yesterday), we wander down to the pool and chat about anything and everything as we laze in the chlorine. We plan our lunches over breakfast and our dinners over lunch - I love it when my day revolves around food! We sit in the easy silence of those who don't need to say a word about how happy we are to just simply BE with each other.

I miss my Boys desperately - I can't wait to see Mac and find out what happened at school; for Warrie to tell me all about how fast bullet trains can go and can he see a country train and did I know the noise that steam trains make; I can't wait to sleep next to Mr M - but I am so happy to be away from them.

And that is the joyful contradiction of being a parent.

But I needed this trip, this time away to be me without all the trappings of parenthood. I've had a pretty stressful six months or so, and I just needed to be free of all of it for a few days. I needed to be able to relax and be on my own timetable.

I don't know when I will have such a long break from the kids again, probably not for a good few years. So I don't feel guilty about this selfish indulgence (well I do, but I know that I shouldn't, so I try not to. It's a work in progress).

I am enjoying the moments that I have with the two men who have helped shape me. I am enjoying the late nights and the sleep ins. I am enjoying the time I have to reconnect with myself in the safety of two of the people I trust the most.

I know that when I get home I will fall back into the normal stresses of my life as a working mother, but hopefully I will do it bit better now I have had a chance to recharge my batteries.

What was your last selfish adventure? I'd love to hear about it, let me know in the comments below!

Returning to business as usual

So it’s been a VERY busy two weeks – so much laughter, talking, eating, drinking and general hanging out with my brother and his wife and watching our children play together.  It was exhausting, elating and so SO good for my soul.

We mostly stayed at my parent’s house south of Sydney, but we did venture out to a gorgeous South Coast beach for two nights. The best thing about that (apart from two full days with just the two families), was that all the kids were so exhausted after a day at the beach or running around playgrounds that they were all in bed and asleep by 7.15. Which meant that we were all able to sit in peace and quiet with a glass of wine and watch the moon rise over the water. Bliss.

The other bonus of my two weeks off is that I had a forced break from my personal social media habit. Some of it was self imposed, but mostly it was because I had no WiFi and a rapidly dwindling data allowance!

The benefits of not being on social media for my mental health have been fantastic. I wasn't constantly posting witty statuses or pictures of my children, and then constantly checking for who had liked my posts or who had made a comment – in short, I didn't spend the whole time searching for a perceived “approval” from my friends.

I was still posting occasional pictures on Instagram, but I spent the two weeks trying my very hardest to be present in the moment.

It’s hard though. On the one hand I wanted to watch every moment that our children were interacting; watching the starts of bonds of friendship between the four boys. But on the other hand, I also wanted to take pictures of these special moments and record them for family members who couldn't be with us.

It’s a fine line, one that I think I managed to balance better than I had anticipated. Of course my obsession with Words With Friends was another issue entirely!

Every evening, as I lay in bed, I thought about the Gratitude Project post that I would have been making on my blog for the day. So even though I wasn't writing it down for all to see, I was still going through the process and appreciating everything that made up my days.

To be honest – pretty much every day ended with me being grateful for having the opportunity to spend time with my brother and his family, and to watch the four cousins interact.

The double bonus of my brother being over here, is that it’s made Mr M and I decide to set a savings goal for a trip back to the UK. I’ll be eligible for Long Service Leave in about 3 years, so we’re using that as a starting point for departure dates as it means I’ll be able to take 7 or 8 weeks.

It’s been a long time since we last traveled proper. And just quietly, the thought of having a trip to plan and a goal to meet has boosted my happiness through the roof!

When was your last big trip? Where did you go?

Gratitude Project - 1st to 3rd March

What a fab few days I've been having!! I've had a day just with my little family unit, a day with my Dad's side if the family and now a whole day with my brother and his gorgeous family.

I feel so blessed and blessed out; it's awesome!!

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Just to harp on about it; my bro. Seriously, he's awesome. His wife is awesome (and such a hoot!!). His kids are awesome. And they are all mine for the next two weeks!!

2. My extended family. We see each other two or three times a year, and it's always such fun when we get together. Rain stopped the boules comp this time, but there's always the next picnic!

3. My slow cooker. Came home from the family picnic to a house the smelt delicious. Dinner was practically ready and I had done next to nothing, bar some chopping. That's my kind of cooking! ;)

What's your favourite household gadget?

Gratitude project - 22nd to 27th February

Sorry for the five days of silence - I was spending some wonderful time with my brother and his drop dead gorgeous family! And then I was back at work, trying to catch up before I have the next two weeks off to properly spend time with my bro...

I've been a bit narky the last few days. I'm not sure why, maybe it's a little "relapse"?? All I know is that poor Mr M and the kids can seem to do nothing right at the moment, and it makes me feel worse because I know that what I am perceiving as their "bad" behavior is all in my head.
I feel like I am so angry at everything and everyone on the inside, whilst at the same time having arguments with myself to clarify what it is that I can really be angry with and what it is that my brain is making up.

Meanwhile, on the outside I am trying desperately to make everyone think that I'm all ok. GAAAHHHH! It's freaking exhausting!

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~

I have five days of gratitude to catch up on. Rather than list 15 things (three for each day), I am just going to do a short blanket list to cover what I have been grateful for. Let's face it, for most of that time I was with my brother, and I am so immensely grateful for that time with him that it probably counts for at least ten of the items I am grateful for :)

So, things I am thankful for:

1. My brother. Two and a half years (almost) since I last saw him... As small as the world can seem with the magic of the internet and Skype and Facetime, nothing, not a single damn things, is as wonderful as the physical person in front of you. Being able to see the subtle body language during a conversation, to see the laughter lines around eyes, to just cuddle him because I can.
I tell you what, someone was really looking out for me when they were dishing out brothers. I got the best one.

2. My nephews. Oh. Emm. Gee. Cutest kids ever! So clever and gorgeous, and cuddly and funny. Watching my two boys playing with their cousins was a sight that filled my heart with joy. I cannot wait for two weeks of watching them :)

3. Two days away from work. Well I think you can all understand why I'd be grateful for that! (apart from prattling on again about hanging with my bro!)

4. Mr M. He's been home poorly for the last two days with a nasty cough (it makes working on a TV set very difficult!). And he hasn't done a thing around the house; which has contributed to my feelings of anger, no doubt. But he has been very good about giving me space in the evenings. He's not hassling me, he's just loving me from a distance whilst I scowl my way through the evening. And then he holds me tight in bed without saying a word.

5. Running in the rain. Normally I avoid running if it's already raining before I leave. But today, I did it. And I got soaked! But I was running with a bestie, and we were having a wonderful child free catch up whilst exercising - it was brilliant! :)

I think that'll do for now. You guys get the gist - I'm so happy to see my bro, that everything else I am thankful for is a bonus :)

What have you been up to these last few days? What has jumped out at you as something to be truly grateful for?

Gratitude Project - 18th and 19th February

I write these little snippets of my day on my mobile in bed every night. Somehow baring some of my soul on the screen on a phone is less daunting that when sat at the computer - who knows the logic behind that!

Of course, this can mean that I miss a night or two because I just can't keep my eyes open a moment longer. As was the case last night. 

Today, my brother and his family flew in from the UK. We've not physically seen each other in just over two years - thank goodness for facetime, otherwise I would have forgotten what he looks like!

I surprised him by joining my mum and step-dad at the airport to meet him. I was 45-minutes late for work, but it was absolutely worth it!!

I love airports; the smell of excitement as people are getting ready to go on adventures (or is that just the jet fuel!?); the smiles on peoples faces when they see loved ones arrive; the sadness when the part ways at the departure gate... I find it such a melting pot of emotions that are infectious.

Today, whilst waiting for my bro and his family, Mum and I saw two girls scream at each other from opposite sides of the arrival gate and run towards each other (still squealing in joy) with huge grins on their faces. And then the dissolved into tears as they hugged, and looked each other over and laughed, and talked a mile a minute. Their joy was palpable, and nearly everyone in the area stopped to watch the reunion.

Mum and I couldn't help but cry along with them; they were just so happy to see each other, and that unbridled love and joy..., well like I said it's infectious.

Anyhoo. I've international visitors are here for a good three weeks, and I'm taking some time off work to hang out with them as much as possible - I can't wait!!! :)

If you've made it this far (and well done if you have, it is a bit of an essay!), here are the things I've been grateful for yesterday and today:

1. My work bestie - she can always make me laugh when I need it the most... And just because!

2. Lunch date with my step-dad. We eat junk food and talk about everything; whether it's attempting to solving each other's problems or world peace, we cover most subjects.

He's another person who's good for my soul.

3. That first moment when the boys see me at daycare when I pick them up. They both drop everything and run over for a kiss and a cuddle. It makes my heart sing.

4. My brother's safe arrival. It was the first time I've met my youngest nephew, I can't wait to spend more time with him!

5. Hubby, for taking the kids to daycare this morning so I could go to the airport. 

6. An early evening rainbow at the end of a very rainy afternoon:

Who was the last person you met at the airport? Did you cry? :)

Just touching base

I wasn't going to write any posts on my trip; in all honesty, I hadn't anticipated having the time to!

But this afternoon, the opportunity presented itself: my Little Monster is happily engrossed in SpongeBob, Husband is laying on the sofa with his book and the rest of my Family are hanging by the pool or playing squash.
A tropical downpour has just passed over; the sound and smell of it reminding me of my childhood years growing up in the Tropics.
All is well in my little world.

And to top it all off, we had a lovely Christmas full of the usual overdose on food and wrapping paper.

This trip has been so wonderful, as I get to spend long overdue time with my Brother and Sister-in-Law, as well as my Dad, his wonderful Wife, and my half Brother.

But the best part for me, has been watching my Little Monster playing with his Cousin. These two little boys have only met once before (at our wedding), and within hours of their second meeting they were laughing and giggling like long lost buddies, and I am pretty sure they were even conspiring to get up to lots of mischief together!!

I am desperately NOT counting the days that have already passed, the time is already going to fast... Instead I am trying my best to cherish each moment with the Family, to burn each memory on my brain so I can always refer to them when I need a pick me up

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas with your families (or just some good old fashioned time out, if Christmas isn't your bag, baby)

I shall finish this post with a little bit of a gush... feel free to reach for a sick bag!
I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family! We live spread across the globe, and yet when we are together everything just seems to slip back into place; conversations flow and the laughter is almost never-ending.
I truly am a lucky lucky girl

A post for my Brother

Today is my brother's birthday - and the only hug I can give him is a telephonic one. Well that and this electronic one:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BROTHER!!

My family is spread across the globe - the UK, Malaysia and the US; which is awesome for holiday destinations, but sucks for the big stuff... especially when there are nephews involved (I can't say nieces, as there are none yet!!)

My brother and I are close, and to be on the other side of the world from each other is really hard for us. And having children made us both realise just how hard being apart is:

• We weren't there for the birth of each other's first child.
• We don't get to see the children's milestones.
• We don't get to share a bottle of wine for our birthdays.
• Most Christmases are spent apart.

The last time I had my whole family together in the one spot (including step family and in-laws) was at our wedding. Before that.... jeez, I can't even remember; it was probably before my parents got divorced, so over 12 years ago. Too long.

The older I get, the more I realise the importance of family; and having a child has certainly helped with the realisation J

I relish having my mum and step-dad only 15-minutes away, my in-laws are literally just down the road from us, and my step-siblings are a 30-minute drive away; I am very lucky to have a fantastic family support network so close by.

For me, the hardest part of living so far apart from my brother is that my Little Monster misses out on growing up with one of his cousins. And although that make me sad, he is lucky enough to have five other cousins to play with close by... so it's not all bad!  J

The flip side of all this global distances malarkey, is that when the Boys are old enough there will be alternate holidays between countries (helloooo holidays!!)

The Little Monster will stay with my brother and sister-in-law for a couple of weeks whilst Husband and I swan around the European countryside.

Then we will have my nephew for a couple of weeks whilst his parents have a well deserved break; may I suggest the wine region, Brother? J

Which all sounds good in theory - I'm looking forward to putting it into practise!

So this post is for you LB... Happy Birthday!! BS xx

 

  

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