Gratitude Project - 2 April 2015

It was a slow day today; I was more productive in the office, which I a good thing.

Even as an adult, the build up to a long weekend feels like it did at school - everyone is relaxed and there is a buzz in the air as people talk about what they are going to do with those extra days off...

YAY for public holidays!! 

The things I'm grateful for today:

1. The upcoming long weekend: four whole days of not being at work... Plus I'll be spending some quality time with my Mum this weekend, always something to be grateful for :)

2. My body. I tried a new exercise class today, and it has certainly challenged some of my muscles! I love testing my fitness limits and the good pain that comes after a hard workout (I know, I'm a nut job!)

3. End of Mac's first term at Big School. He has had a blast starting school, and seems to have slid into the whole experience with ease - for which I am truly grateful. Here's hoping that the return to school in two weeks is uneventful!

What made you feel grateful today?

Gratitude Project - 1 April 2015

I'm excited to be doing this project again. I really think that spending just a few minutes every day reflecting on the good things that are in my world with make a huge improvement to my overall outlook on life... Well, here's hoping anyway!

I've been struggling to find enjoyment in my work for the last little while. I know it's because of my current head space, but it's really added to my funky mood. Which adds to my lacklustre approach to work... Which feeds the mood, and so the cycle continues.

But through my counselling sessions, I'm hoping to break the cycle and notice an improvement in how I view my job, and maybe get some of the enjoyment back; I spend too much time there to not enjoy what I do. And I did once, so I'm sure I can again.

Things I am grateful for today:

1. Mr M's career change. He's now home to help with school drop offs and pick ups (not to mention breakfasts and dinners!), which has been a huge help.

2. My workplace bestie (who is also a real life bestie). Without her, my working days would be downright miserable... We talk about everything and anything, crack hugely inappropriate jokes with each other and she is one of the best people I know to bounce ideas off of. She is totes amazeballs!

3. Exercise. I did a 5km lunchtime run heading towards the beach. The temperature at the moment is just perfect for running, and with the sun and a very slight breeze I came back to the office tired but refreshed.

Also, I was grateful for this sunrise:

Where did you find your moments of gratitude today?

A return to gratitude

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Being back in the real world after my ah-MAZE-ing trip to see my menfolk has been a little difficult to re-adjust to, and I have once again found myself treading down that well-worn path to "The Blues"...

I had a counselling session today, and at the end my counsellor set me homework: to spend 10-minutes EVERYDAY for the next week doing something to look after myself. It could be a walk, a meditation, sitting in silence, anything. I just have to do whatever I need for ME in that 10-minutes.

She has no idea how much I need to do just that.... Well, she probably does, seeing as she's my counsellor, but you know what I mean :)

But it made me realise that self-care has been so low on my list of priorities; like most mothers, my days seem to revolve around making sure that the kids (and husband!) are dressed/fed/bathed/happy/entertained/etc... I have almost no regard (or time!) for my own needs.

But she has given me permission to look after myself, and to be ok with it.

One of the things I have let slide of the last few months has been my gratitude journal - I've not written in it since the beginning of the year, which is pretty sucky when I know that I have so much that I am grateful for, and the fact that counting my gratitudes at the end of the day is a major tool in my arsenal against depression.

As I refuse to continue down the path of bleakness, I need to restock my well of happy-ness and remind myself of all the wonderful things I have in my everyday life.

So tomorrow I am going to restart my Gratitude Project for the month of April. At the end of the day I will post a snapshot of my day, my thoughts and feelings, and the three things I am grateful for.

I will also post a visulal of some of the things that I am grateful for to my Instagram too.

Feel free to join in my Gratitude Project here, or on FB or Instagram, and use #MTWGratitudeProject so I can see what things or moments brighten your day!

What I'm doing now

I'm in KL for a long weekend to visit my Dad, who lives here, and my brother, who has flown in from the UK.

The view from the balcony looks like this:

It's 7.15am, the rest of the household is asleep. It's a muggy 26c with a ridiculously high humidity of 94% (!) and a very slight breeze that is just enough to ruffle the leave on the pot plants.

I am surrounded by the noise of tropical birds, the hum of the air conditioning units in the buildings around me and roaring traffic. And there's a certain smell to this place that I can't describe - although I'm sure I just got a whiff of maple syrup...

All of these things are so comforting and safe. They make me feel at home, and I put this down to having spent a chunk of my childhood growing up in Singapore.

Not only am I getting to see my brother for the first time in 14-months, but we are both on this jaunt spouse and child free!! Yep, I am having five whole nights away from my babies for the first time. It is equal parts wonderful and heart breaking... And I am relishing every moment.

I am so SO lucky to be here, and to be able to spend quality time with my men folk. There are no half held conversations as one or the other of us break up an argument over a toy, or deal with tears, or change a nappy, or answer the same question for the zillionth time.

It is bliss.

Because our time together is so short, we are taking things easy; there are no day trips planned, no excursions to nearby sights. We relax in the apartment (there may have been a couple of naps had yesterday), we wander down to the pool and chat about anything and everything as we laze in the chlorine. We plan our lunches over breakfast and our dinners over lunch - I love it when my day revolves around food! We sit in the easy silence of those who don't need to say a word about how happy we are to just simply BE with each other.

I miss my Boys desperately - I can't wait to see Mac and find out what happened at school; for Warrie to tell me all about how fast bullet trains can go and can he see a country train and did I know the noise that steam trains make; I can't wait to sleep next to Mr M - but I am so happy to be away from them.

And that is the joyful contradiction of being a parent.

But I needed this trip, this time away to be me without all the trappings of parenthood. I've had a pretty stressful six months or so, and I just needed to be free of all of it for a few days. I needed to be able to relax and be on my own timetable.

I don't know when I will have such a long break from the kids again, probably not for a good few years. So I don't feel guilty about this selfish indulgence (well I do, but I know that I shouldn't, so I try not to. It's a work in progress).

I am enjoying the moments that I have with the two men who have helped shape me. I am enjoying the late nights and the sleep ins. I am enjoying the time I have to reconnect with myself in the safety of two of the people I trust the most.

I know that when I get home I will fall back into the normal stresses of my life as a working mother, but hopefully I will do it bit better now I have had a chance to recharge my batteries.

What was your last selfish adventure? I'd love to hear about it, let me know in the comments below!

On writing

Intentionally or not, Mr M has lit a tiny fire under me.

It's up to me to keep the flames burning, but the spark is there.

So here I am. Again.

I need to be getting words down. Currently I have thoughts and ideas in my head but I don't put them down. They stay stuck in the void.

Mr M says I'm not a writer because I don't write things down.

He says that if I was really a writer, I would have a notebook and be jotting down notes.

All. The. Time.

Well more fool him, because I DO have a damn notebook. Sure I haven't written as much as I would/could/should.... But it's there.

And I HAVE had ideas, and I HAVE made notes.

Ok, indignation spent. Anger over.

I know that he was doing the whole reverse psychology thing. And I am just pissed because it worked... Again.

I have always wanted to write, ever since I can remember.

I used to write short stories when I was in primary school - it was about the only piece of homework I would ever complete on time.

When I had friends over to stay the night, we used to write short plays to perform for my family (I was more the writer, less the actor).

A school friend and I used to write radio shows that we (and a few other friends) would perform and record. It was usually a newscast or a sportscast, and my lasting memory of this is him pretending to be John McEnroe - a la "You canNOT be serious!"

I don't know what happened to dampen the desire... I blame hormones and boys. And probably a fondness for excessive nights out.

I've just started listening to a "how to be a writer" podcast. I know, I know, I can't believe I have only just discovered podcasts either.... I'm only a few episodes in, but already I have learnt so much just from listening to the interviews with authors. The way I spend my daily commute has pretty much changed my life (I'm also doing a "learn to speak French" podcast too).

I have a book inside me. That much I know. The only thing I have to deal with is the fact that it's a non-fiction book (I just don't think I have a novel in me... As much as I wish I did).

I've told a very small handful of people what my idea is, and the feedback I have had is "yes! I would read that!" - so very positive. 

That's the book that I want to write; but in the meantime I have a small little taster book that I'm working on; just to get me into the whole "I'm a writer" malarkey.

Though I can't help but wonder if it's a cop out... Keeping me from my real goal. 

Nonetheless, I AM going to finish my little book - I have an illustrator, I have to finish it!

I have bookie contacts who can help with the whole self publishing thing... I have to finish it.

For my own sense of accomplishment,I HAVE TO finish it!

Apart from anything else, I have put it down as a 2015 goal to finish it. So fuck anyone (myself and Mr M included) who thinks that it won't be done.

I would say "watch this space", but I don't want to put too much pressure on myself.....

So watch this space!!! (haha fuck you deflated ego, you are so going to have to enjoy actually finishing something for a change!)