Gratitude Project - 5th February

It started off as a good day and then I got a call that my Mum wasn't feeling well. Thankfully she works about a two minute walk from me, and there's a medical centre on site. It was just a dizzy spell (thank goodness!) but the doctor ordered tests just to make sure everything was ok. 

We spent three hours hanging out at the medical centre waiting for tests and sitting through tests. The whole time Mum kept checking in to make sure I didn't need to be back in the office. In the end I said, "Pretend like we had all won the lotto and work wasn't an issue. Would you want me here with you? Or would you want me to go away."

After a moments pause she quietly said, "Stay."

It was nice to be able to help my Mum for once - she's done it enough for me recently!! And she told me that having me there was a great anxiety relief for her.

I totally rocked at being a daughter today!

In other news, I told Mr. M about my current state of mind. He's going to help in whatever way he can. I'm so lucky to have him. 

So my gratitudes for today - they're all people

1. My Mum. Even though it was nothing serious, today was the first time I've ever really seen my Mum as mortal. I don't take her for granted, but you'd better believe I'm going to be making the most if all our moments together!!

2. My Husband. He listened, he acknowledged. He delved into the issue without just "pooh-poohing" my thoughts or feelings away. It felt good to tell him. 

3. My amazingly talented and delightful work bestie. She's an inspiration (she got me back into writing on here! I'll explain how in another post), she a hoot, she's supportive and she's my soul twin for sure :)

How was your Wednesday?

What are you grateful for today?

Gratitude Project - 4th February

A reasonable day today - even the small step of (finally!) putting some of my thoughts into words has helped to clear a space of my brain for happier things. Hoping the improvement continues!

Today I am grateful for:

1. Lunch out. It was so wonderful to see my lovely friend. She's on maternity leave at the moment, and I miss seeing her smiling face around the office.

2. Bedtime cuddles (the rated PG kind!) with Hubby. I needed that moment of connection with him; just a physical affirmation that we're ok. It worked :)

3. Leftovers! (Yay for not having to cook!)

What are you grateful for today?

Just to fill you in...

Wooooah. Life has been a bit naff these last few months.

No, not true. Life has been very blessed these last few months; full of happy chaos and laughter.

I am the one who has been a bit naff.

About three months ago, I suddenly realised that I was hovering on the brink of depression, again.

The signs were all there: a general lack of interest in my appearance, lethargy, procrastination (although that is pretty much a permanent character flaw!), overly focussing on things outside of my control, road rage (basically shouting at those people who should never have been granted a drivers license - you know the ones I'm talking about), weeping at ads on TV...

And with the advantage of hindsight, I could see that I had been there for a while, at least two or three months before I noticed anything. 

About two months ago, I thought I was getting better. I thought I was keeping my head above the water... but really I was just doing an amazingly awesome job of fooling myself.

So now I'm in self repair mode. 

Whilst I’m not out of the woods yet – not by a long shot! – I am using the skills that I have learnt from previous counselling sessions to fight my way back to being my usual joyful self. 

Challenging unhelpful thoughts as they arise, trying to see the positives in daily life. Not always easy when my mind seems drawn to anger and the more maudlin side of things...

Anyway. Just wanted to touch base, see who's out there and let you know what was going in my world. It's not a great barrel of laughs at the moment, but I'm sure (I hope!) it's on the improve.

Watch this space! :)

What's been happening with you?

Gratitudes

At the end of a long and crappy day, here I am laying in bed feeling irrationally angry and unable to sleep. 

What better time than now to restart my gratitude project, to remind me of the things that are good in my life and all I should be grateful for. 

So today, on 3rd February 2014 I am grateful for:

1. My Mum. Had it been necessary, she would have driven me home from work today. I'm so thankful she works so close to me... And is such an amazing and loving lady. 

2. Online food shopping. Anything that means I don't have to walk the aisles with two rambunctious boys is something to be eternally grateful for in my mind!

3. Tea. The elixir of life; especially at the tail end of a migraine, and served with a chocolate and banana weetbix muffin!

What are you grateful for? Feel free to share and spread the gratitude :)

My wish for the Royal birth

I have always wanted to be a princess.
I am probably the most un-princessy princess you'll come across, but as a 12-year old marrying a prince was high on my list of things to do. Probably the same for many a 12-year old girl!

But Kate Middleton was the one who ended up living my dream... and as I watched the Royal Nuptials whilst celebrating my own honeymoon, I will admit to a twinge of jealousy (mostly because I would have loved to have had even 1/1000th of the money spent on their wedding; we could have had a live band then!)

Fast forward just over two years, and now everyone is waiting with baited breath for the newest addition to the Royal Household.

This time, there is not even a hint of jealousy, only sympathy.

My #2 was two weeks overdue (such fun times!), and it was bad enough having family, friends and random strangers asking me when the baby was due, regularly interspersed with the "you're huge, shouldn't you have had that baby by now?" question.

I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for the Duchess to be heavily pregnant and effectively forced into confinement, if for no other reason than to avoid the press! Let alone to read all the speculation about her due date and whether she was overdue or not. 

And now, she's in "early labour" and the world is on tenterhooks for the arrival of the third in line to the throne. The press camped outside the hospital, waiting for the announcement of the newest Prince or Princess. 

What pressure for a first time mum! 

But my main sympathy lies in the days ahead; those first heady days of being a new mum, of getting to know your baby outside of your belly, of falling in love with the tiny human being that you created. 

When both my sons were born, those first few hours of it being just me, Husband and the baby were the most private and precious moments I have ever experienced. My babies were out, and they all mine.

So I can't begin to imagine how it must feel, knowing that as soon as this baby arrives it will essentially become public property. 

If I were Kate, I'd be pretending that I had been in labour for 36hrs, just to have some cherished normal "brand new parents" time with the baby and William.

I'm sure (I hope!!) that the press will continue to keep a respectable distance from the new family.

I hope that the little one is given the opportunity to grow up away from the glare as much as possible.

But more than anything else, I hope that Prince William and Duchess Catherine are given the privacy to enjoy every new moment with their baby.