Friday feels - 23 May

Today, my work bestie told me a very interesting story that a mutual colleague had shared over lunch - and it all stemmed from her asking "What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

And it made me think about the worst thing I've ever done.

Now, I'm your basic goodie two shoes... sure I've done some things I'm not proud of, I've experimented, and I had my go at rebelling against "The Man" (whoever that is supposed to be). But essentially, I was a good kid/young adult. My mum was so lucky (and she will attest to that!!)

So I had to think pretty hard to find the worst thing I've done. And please bear in mind that my definition of "worst" is likely to be different from yours, and different again from the little old lady across the road...

So here's my worst thing:
When I was 13, I was staying over at a friends house. We snuck out of the house late one night to go to a local watering hole. There we stayed until 2am drinking beer with a bunch of American sailors fresh off the boats. Then we went back to my friends house, where we both smugly thought we had gotten away with our daring adventure... until my Mum confronted me the next afternoon when I got home. Apparently a friend of my family had seen me out without my parents, and mentioned it to her. Needless to say, I was grounded for a very long time.

I laughed when I was telling the story. How outrageous was I as a 13-year old!? OMG, hahaha, what was I even thinking??

I then I thought about it again; with the mind of a 36-year old, with the mind of a mother.

I was THIRTEEN. Out drinking beer with a bunch of SAILORS, all of whom were much older than us. And all FRESH OFF THE BOAT.

What the hell was I doing!? It's very apparent that I wasn't thinking. Jeez, I'm probably lucky to even be alive.

We were living overseas at the time, so I'm certainly lucky that we weren't caught by the police - it could have meant my family being deported.

And looking back on my life, that's what makes it the worst thing I've ever done; I put my family's lifestyle, my dad's job, mine and my brothers schooling in jeopardy.

I would like to say that I knew it was wrong, that I was lead astray by a girl with a much stronger personality than mine, and I was desperate to be her BFF (she was well in with the cool crowd, I floated (comfortably for the most part) between the cool and uncool crowds)... And that's all probably true, but gosh it makes me feel sad for my 13-year old self, that I couldn't stand up to her and say "WTF!? Go out drinking? I'd much rather stay home and play with my barbies!". Who knows, she probably would have been just as happy to do that too!

Moving on. Here are my Friday Feels:

Hearing: Mr M introduced me to Chet Faker last weekend. How have I not heard of him before!? This cover of No Diggity (a song that was one of the many soundtracks to my life in the 90's), is freaking awesome.



Seeing: It was a week of TV lasts and firsts in our household... I watched the last episodes of the current seasons of The Walking Dead, and the Vikings - not sure how I'm going to manage until the next season of both! I also finally managed to watch the first episode of the new season of Offspring. It's good to have Nina back on my screen, even though I cried almost the whole way through. Just as well I stocked up on tissues!! :)

Tasting: I tried a DELICIOUS slow cooker recipe on Tuesday, it was chicken wrapped in bacon cooked with grated apple and bbq sauce. We ate it with couscous and veggies. I will find that recipe and share it with you all, because it was divine!

Smelling: I took Mac to an open day at our local primary school on Tuesday. We were sat in a kindergarten room to talk to the Principal, and the smell and sights just flooded my brain with memories I had forgotten I even had!! As much as I am dreading him start school, I'm sort of looking forward to it too... I'm excited for him. I loved school and I have a feeling Mac will too.

Touching: A couple of weekends ago, I bought some new woolen jumpers - the first winter wardrobe items I have bought in about 5 years! There is one jumper in particular, a grey one, that is so soft and warm and cozy... But we've been having the most amazing weather this last week that I haven't had a chance to wear it yet!! Not that I'm complaining - I'm LOVING this autumnal weather!

So there you have it, my Friday Feels.

Let me know what you've been feeling this week, or tell me (if it won't get you into any trouble!) what's the worst thing you've done?

Friday Feels - 16 May

Welcome to the second installment on Friday Feeeeeeels (whenever I say it, I can't stop picturing it like that in my mind)

It's been a naff week for me, we are trying to get Mac to sleep in his own bed for the whole night, and the interrupted sleeps that have come from putting him back to be three or four times a night have really taken their toll.... I feel like a walking zombie.

I'm hoping to score a couple of naps this weekend to recover, keep your fingers crossed for me! :)

So here we go for my feels:

Hearing: Spotify is seriously the best. thing. everrrrr! At this exact moment in time, I am listening to the Take That Greatest Hits - and no, I am not ashamed to admit that  :)

Seeing: Or rather a lack of seeing - I completely forgot to record the first episode of Offspring the other night, and have been in an enforced interwebs embargo so that I don't accidentally read anything that might give the episode away!

Tasting: Take away pizza! Well, more the walk I took to pick it up. There is a pizza place literally around the corner from us. We don't normally frequent it, but last night we decided to give it a go. The bonus being that I got to walk through my neighbourhood. There was something almost magical about being the only person out walking in the moonlight whilst everyone was inside their houses or cars. I think I might start making it a regular thing... not the pizza, the evening walk!

Smelling: Whilst Mac was at his swimming lesson, there was a lady sat near me with a perfume that transported me to another time and place. I couldn't (still can't!) quite place the where and when, but I think it was late teens - so it was maybe a perfume a friend used to wear? Whatever it was it led me down a nostalgic path that I think I am still on... I'm quite enjoying it :)

Touching: Our cat's super soft winter fur is coming through. He is looking a bit fatter, and oh so cozy!! He's also been snuggling up to us on the sofa at night - which is awesome until he gets that crazy psycho look in his eye....

Has anything evoked nostalgic memories for you this week? I'd love to hear about it!

Self love is the new black!

So I feel like my last post was a bit of a downer. Especially as I set it to post on Mothers Day - awks! I had totally forgotten about Mothers Day when I scheduled the post!!

Today, I saw this post on MindBodyGreen about learning to love your body. And this comes just days after my Mum gave me a magazine article about being kind to yourself (which I'm yet to read).

So Universe, I get it, I am starting to listening to you. I will read the articles, take the advice on board, and take action.

I am sick of not loving myself enough. It has been such a long time since I fully accepted myself and been happy with the way I am... it was a magical few years between 17 and 20.

Mostly in the time since then, I have liked myself. Usually enough, sometimes barely enough. But loving myself? Surely that's what husbands are for!? (I'm joking!!)

So I'm ready to change, ready to be a woman comfortable in her own skin - stretch marks and all... well, maybe not the stretch marks just yet.

The MindBodyGreen post had a few suggested positive affirmations to help on the journey of self love. I have printed them off and I'm going to put them next to my bed to be the last words I see at night, and the first words I see in the morning....

• I am enough
• I am beautiful
• I am unique
• I love and respect my body (also, my mind and spirit!)
• I am more than my body
• My body is a safe, happy place
• I reject artificial standards of beauty that do not serve me
• I love myself unconditionally
• I see the beauty in all living things

To be honest, that last one has never a problem for me. But the rest is going to be hard to feel comfortable with for a while.

In the meantime, to counteract the negative feeling I was left with after my last post, here are a list of things I love about myself:

• I love the shape of my feet and how cute they look when I get a pedicure
• I love my legs
• Mr M loves my bum, so I guess that I can love that too.
• My biceps are pretty alright too.
• I love my big heart, and how open I am to loving people and letting them in.
• I love that my smile always reaches my eyes. I don't usually fake smile - if it's not for real then I just won't smile, full stop. Oh unless it's small talk stuff and I'm being polite... but even then, I think I'm pretty genuine about my smile.
• I love my eyebrows - I have had a number of beauticians in the past tell me how lovely they are, and my Mum is totes jealous of them! :)
• I love my personality, I'm usually bubbly and always ready to see the positive side of things (unless it relates to me.... but I'm going to change that!!)

Huh. I actually already feel a bit better.
I did NOT see that coming! :)

So Ladies, and Gentlemen!, tell me what you love about yourself. It can be something small, it can be something big. It can be something physical or a part of your personality.

What do you LOVE about being you??

How I feel about my post-babies body

Last weekend, a beautiful picture appeared in my instagram feed from Keeping Up With The Holsbys.

The title of the post was The stories of our post-baby flesh, and the pictures are just gorgeous. If there is only one blog you check out today, make it this one.

It was a thought provoking post for me, as I have a real love/hate relationship with my post-baby body:

• I love, and am in utter awe, that my body incubated and delivered two big healthy babies (Mac was 4.03kg and Warrie was 4.35kg)
• I hate the stretch marks and extra skin that came with such big babies that were all out the front (you couldn't tell I was pregnant from behind). I was 117cm around with Mac and 122cm around with Warrie.
• I love that I was able to breastfeed my babies, and the amazing bonding moments we had together.
• I hate that I can now easily hold the remote under my boobs

I won't go on, you get the idea. And I am sure that there are many other mothers out there who can totally relate.

I know that I am supposed to wear my stretch marks as a badge of honour.
I know that I'm not supposed to let society dictate what "beauty" is.
I know that I should listen to Mr M when he tells be that I look beautiful, and he wouldn't change a thing about me.

But I don't.

I hate my stretch marks (yet I do nothing to get rid of them - what the heck is up with that!? Some sort of self sabotage??)
I despair that I am now 5kg heavier than my original pre-pregnancy weight. I am in the gym or running every lunchtime, and seeing no change. I'm now working on the diet side of things... Fingers crossed
I don't like to get undressed in front of Mr M with the lights on, I'm terrified that he will suddenly change his mind about me. (I have absolutely NO EVIDENCE to support this, it's just my brain going into worst case scenario mode)

Then I see such amazing photos, and I know, I KNOW, that I need to cut myself some slack. And I try, I really do....

Maybe one day I'll just wake up and suddenly be all "Oh wow - my body grew two whole new people, and yes it's softer than it was 10 years ago. But it is freaking amazing, and I am so proud to be in this skin".

Maybe.

Introducing... Fridays Feels!

Now that I've finished my Gratitude Project, I've decided to start a new little project.
So I am please to introduce Friday Feels!!  :)

I saw something similar on The Little Red House, and just loved the idea too much to not give it a try  :)

Every week I will recap my week via the five senses, and anything else that seems to fit in with the theme...

Hearing: I have spent a large chunk of every day listening to the amazing Jana Kingsford from Mums Juggling Act as I start my journey towards unjuggling my life. And when I'm not listening to her fabulous vlogs, I am an utter addict of Spotify - this week has been a 90's flashback.... who am I kidding, most weeks are 90's flashback for me!

Seeing: Last weekend, Mac and I had a movie date and saw the Lego Movie. He sat on my lap for most of the movie, and we laughed together. It was awesome.

Tasting: I tried a new recipe this week - I promise one day to get some of my favourites on here for you! It was Lemongrass, chilli and pork stir fry... and it was delicious!!

Smelling: Mr M brought home some flowers from the set on Wednesday night - orchids no less! I am indeed a lucky girl!

Touching: I put flannelette sheets on our bed last weekend - oooohhhhh, so soft and cozy! Getting out of bed is now infinitely harder than it was a week ago!

And finally, a Friday funny. This is seriously one of the funniest things I think I have ever seen!

Share some of your Friday Feels with me! What tickled your senses this week?

Gratitude Project - 30th April - 2nd May

I've known for a while, but I am finally admitting it to the world.... Along with being a procrastinator, I am not a finisher.

For example, in January I embarked on a 30-day squat challenge; the end goal was to complete 175 squats in one go. Not particularly hard, I do squats almost every day in my fitness classes, and I had 30-days to build up to it.

But here we are at the beginning of May and I STILL have four days left to do.

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Mr M calls me "Half-a-job-Harry":
Housework? Yeah, it'll get done, but the vacuum will probably sit in the bedroom for another two days...
Laundry? I'll wash and dry the clothes, but the folding? It's has been known for the clean laundry to sit on the sofa unfolded for two weeks...
Washing up? Well we have a dishwasher, and I am actually pretty good about loading and emptying it...

This rather major flaw stretches right back to primary school. We used to have project books with six or seven double page spreads that we would complete each term. At the start of every term, I would enthusiastically throw myself into the work and then by the time half-term came around, it was like pulling teeth to get me to do the work. My poor Mum!

I cannot recall ever finishing one of those books.

In fact, I can think of only three things I've finished; gestating my two children (does that even count!?), and the teeniest, tiniest cross-stitch piece for my Mum.

But that is hopefully all about to change - I have signed up to Mum's Juggling School in a bid to learn some new skills that will help me take control of my procrastination, which in turn will hopefully give me the impetus to see a job through to the end.

So I guess watch this space to see the journey! :)

Things I have been grateful for the last few days:

1. Signing up to the Mum's Juggling School, I have a good feeling about this

2. Mr M has been working away from home for a couple of nights. It's been hard to do all the parenting on my own (props to all single parents out there, you guys are freaking amazeballs!), but I've enjoyed the challenge, and the space. And I can't wait to see him tomorrow!

3. Having my exercise buddy back in the office - it's great to have someone help motivate me to actually get to the gym at lunch time!

Oh wow, I've finished my month of Gratitude... so I guess that's something else to add to my short list of completed things :)

Do you have a flaw that you're willing to share with the world? You're amongst friends here :)