He told me: "Babe, we were always meant to be together"We were driving home from our touch footy game; our two boys in the back, talking about how other people handle their relationships. He made some comment about how he had never been in a relationship where they broke up and got back together.
I looked at him - "But we did....."
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July 2008Husband had been living and working in Fiji for about a year. We'd been taking turns to visit each other for a long weekend about every 10- to 12-weeks, but our relationship was mainly conducted via telephone, texts and emails.
My last visit to Fiji hadn't been a good one. In the few weeks leading up to the trip, contact with Husband had become less frequent and, when we did talk, it was very strained.
I spent the majority of our weekend at the beautiful Wananavu resort (quite possibly one of the most romantic places in the world!) with leaking eyes.... We were tense and stilted.
The dreaded phrase 'it's not you, it's me' had reared it's ugly head.
By the time I left, we had come to some sort of strange impasse. We were in limbo. No "issues" had been discussed, we just knew that something wasn't right.
About a week later I got an email at work: "Call me when you get home, we need to talk."
Well you just know that isn't going to be a good conversation.
A few hours later, I hung up the phone in floods of tears. Whilst we hadn't actually broken up, things were not looking good.
During our hour long phone call, Husband had told me that he didn't know what he wanted anymore; he wasn't even sure if he wanted a relationship.
Of course, looking back, and after subsequent conversations with Husband, it's clear to me (us) now that he was a man nearing a crisis. He was just 30; living away from family and friends, and a newly appointed GM dealing with some of the most stressful workplace issues he'd ever come across, all without any "on hand" means of support (from his employer as well as family and friends)
Somehow (and to this day, I still don't know how I managed it! I put it down to the counselling course I had completed a few year previously), somehow I found the courage inside to tell him that it was ok.
I told him that I loved him, and I wanted what was best for him. I told him I could ease some of his stress by giving him breathing space; I wouldn't email or text or call until he told me he was ready.
He had already booked a flight home for the end of August. So we agreed to see how things went until then. He thanked me for being so loving and understanding; he thanked me for being such a good friend.
We both cried. My heart broke.
During that time, as hard as it was, I was true to my word; I gave him space. Though every day my heart ached, and I wondered if we would make it.
It was Husband who initiated all the contact... In fact, during that time he emailed or texted me more than he had in the previous 6-weeks. I tried to keep it light; I didn't want to give him anything more to run away from.
It was a rough time, no denying.
And unlike me, I knew that he had no-one to talk to; no-one to vent about his stresses, no-one to talk through his thought processes... He ended up doing that with me, in regards to work, as we had done for the last 18-months. But I knew there was no-one for him to turn to personally, and it made me so sad for him.
He hadn't told his family. I was still having weekly dinners with them, and his Mum would always ask if he was ok. Three weeks into the ordeal, I finally broke and told her. Of course, she knew something was wrong, but he was resolutely avoiding the topic with her
Even his friends didn't know what was happening. Weeks later he told me that he hadn't said anything to them, because he knew they would give him a bollocking.
I knew that too, which was why I hadn't said anything to any of his friends. I just told them that he was a bit stressed and could do with a friendly ear.
I wanted him to work through it without people pressuring him....
I wanted him to choose me because he wanted to be with me, not because his friends and family had told him to be with me.
Soon. it was the day of his return. I went to the airport to wait for him in a state of turmoil; I was excited to see him again, but terrified as I knew that this was make or break.
Then I saw him, and he looked happier than he did when I had last seen him in Fiji.
And then he saw me; and his face lit up, and in that one brief moment, I knew, JUST KNEW, that we would make it.
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And that's when he said: "Babe, we were always meant to be together"
